


Everything is Clearer When You're in Love

by Winchesterowaaa



Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco
Genre: Angst, Character Development, Character Study, Dallon is married, Dallon's wife is a bitch, Drama, Gerard Way In Skirts, It's my first work in english, More angst, Multi, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, Teacher Brendon Urie, Writer Dallon Weekes, alternative universe, can't believe i named her after a character i love, english is not my first language, frank is daddy punk, i waited so long Dallon left the band, it's polish, obviously, pls don't be mean, prepare, why
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-06
Updated: 2018-05-28
Packaged: 2018-08-19 23:10:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 31,009
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8227957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Winchesterowaaa/pseuds/Winchesterowaaa
Summary: Dallon Weekes, at age of thirty-five had everything most people aspired to have at this stage of life. He was working for the CW, as a scriptwriter for a popular show, which he was also the creator of. It was more like a hobby than work for him to be honest.He had a beautiful and smart wife, who he loved with all of his heart since day one.Together, they had two energetic and healthy children. Amilie was twelve and Damien was five (and a half, as he loved to remind everybody). They’d also adopted a dog, it was an adorable white husky named Hulk. They all lived in a big apartment close to the park.Everyday Dallon was waking up to the thought that he was the luckiest man alive. That was until he had to take Amilie to school and met the young music teacher.Brendon Urie was multitalented Juilliard graduate and only one smile was enough to fuck with Dallon’s head.





	1. Seduce me with a smile

**Author's Note:**

> Tittle is a quote from the one and only beautiful John Lennon.  
> 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Big thank you to masterassassin, who didn't murdered me when i sent her like 6 slightly different versions of chapter one, she also writes good smut. If we both missed any mistakes, please, tell me in the comments, i have my matura exams this year, help poor polish emo.  
> It's 09.10 and i finally edited the first chapter, Jesus i work slow xd sorry!  
> It's now 16.01. I procrastinated this fic so much Dallon left the band.  
> Also i decided that the chapters will be longer. Just because

Dallon Weekes, at the age of thirty-seven had everything most people aspired to have at this stage of life –a happy family, an amazing job, a beautiful wife, two smart kids, happiness and money. It sometimes felt like this too good to be true bubble-gum dream he only thought was possible in movies. He was working for a popular television network as a scriptwriter for a show he created himself. He could pretty much do anything he wanted to with the story and he’d get away with it. With that, he had flexible working hours and could easily do his job at home or anyplace with Internet connection for that matter. It was more like a hobby than work for him anyway. Dallon always loved writing stories and creating complicated personalities. It was making him happy for as long as he could remember. As a child he used to have notebooks full of stories he wrote. Even his school notebooks had them on the last pages. Some teachers didn’t like it, some didn’t care, once in a while there was this one who simply understood. Writing was a good way of expressing himself while growing up and sometimes a way of hiding in his imaginary worlds. He often got lost in them for hours - he could be anyone he wanted to in them; a self-proclaimed hero, a damsel in distress, a simple person with amazing adventures. He felt like he won the lottery with that work.

He had a beautiful and smart wife, that he adored since probably day one. They were both still in high school when they met and started dating. Hazel was actually the first girl he found really interesting. She had adorable curly hair and a tiny nose. She liked the same music, movies and books. They quickly became friends thought that, and then she asked him on a date. She was always a little braver than he was. Dallon was pretty sure he loved her since their first conversation. Weirdly enough, he couldn't quite remember what made him start to pay attention to her. Maybe it was the way she was similar to him in some ways and how different in others. She was kinda like him, only braver and down to earth. She wasn’t a dreamer like he was. She was who he wanted to be for a long time.

Hazel was quite tiny compared to him, but he just loved how she fit into his arms. Together, they had two energetic and healthy children. Amilie was twelve and Damien was five (and a half, as he loved to remind everyone). They’ve also adopted a dog, it was an adorable white husky named Hulk.

Of course, it wasn’t all smiles and rainbows. The biggest issue was his wife’s work. Hazel was an editor for a newspaper in another city and she was spending most of her time there. She was home three times a week, which meant she wasn’t spending enough time with their kids. She often forgot about birthdays and other important days. They fought a lot because that, but Dallon still loved her, of course. She and the kids were everything to him. He didn't know who would he be without them.

When Amilie was finally old enough to go to school, Dallon and Hazel were more than excited for her to begin her lessons. After all, it was a really prestige school with special music classes and she was already registered there right after birth. Hazel was just really in love with the idea of having the smartest children on Earth. Dallon would be more than happy to have ordinarily smart kids in an ordinary school.

Everyday Dallon was waking up to the thought that he was the luckiest man alive. That was until he had to take Amilie to school and met the young music teacher.

Brendon Urie was multi-talented Julliard graduate and only one smile was enough to fuck with Dallon’s head. The thing was, Dallon had heard about Brendon lots of times. After all, he was the one who inspired Amilie to play the piano and sing. He also helped her to be more open about her talents and just more outgoing in general. He was her favourite teacher, so, of course, Dallon knew a lot about Brendon Urie. For example that he liked animals and had two cats and a guinea pig. He just never had the chance to see him. Brendon Urie was apparently some sort of music genius. He could play the guitar, electric guitar, ukulele, piano, violin and drums and he could sing. He could be world famous but he preferred working with children. That alone was a thing Dallon admired him for. Amilie was always excited whenever she was supposed to have lessons with him. Dallon was really happy that a teacher had such an influence on her. He never considered Brendon Urie would have influence on him.

 

~~.~~

 

''Amilie! Damien! Breakfast’s ready!'' Dallon was actually a pretty decent cook. He learned a lot from his mother who had a restaurant. As a teenager he liked to help her in the kitchen. Most of his best memories with her were from their cooking adventures. They had a lot of fun doing so, a few food fights as well. Of course Dallon was the loser who had to clean afterwards. The ‘I will show all your friends your baby pictures’ argument always seemed to have the winning power. Especially since until age 10 Dallon was chubby and he still felt ashamed of that.

Not long after her death, he found her old diary full of recipes and funny side comments or doodles. It was in their old house, in a big box with a smiley face drawn on it. Samantha had the best sense of humour and was always positive, a smile never left her face. Not even in her last days.

Growing up Dallon had only her, so they were really close. His father died when he was four, so he only remembered that Rick liked to sing him to sleep, had really blue eyes and a ridiculous lumberjack like beard. He didn’t have a lot of friends either, so she was the one he trusted the most.

When it came to cooking in the Weekes household, Dallon was the king of the kitchen. He even had a plastic crown as a proof of that. Hazel was good at making sandwiches and that was about it. She also was too impatient to learn more. She was the one to help with math and chemistry more likely. Dallon didn’t mind that he was the one to cook, he liked it. He also hated math, so there was that. He cooked, she was helping with homework, and it just worked for them.

Dallon put pancakes with strawberries, bananas and chocolate on the table. Damien was the first one to run to Dallon. He hid behind his legs. Damien was a really small kid. He barely got above Dallon’s knees.

''Daddy, ugly lady was mean.'' He pouted. Dallon snorted and picked him up. He tickled Damien’s tummy and the boy shrieked. His bright hair was almost falling into his eyes, and Dallon made a mental note to call Gerard later that day. Damien for some reason didn’t let anyone else cut his hair and only trusted the older Way with it. Maybe because Gerard had cool red hair and Damien was really  astonished with it. When he was smaller and Gerard held him, Damien just had to put his hands into Gerard’s hair. He liked putting his hands in hair in general.

''So mean, daddy. I don’t like her.'' He whispered.

''That ugly lady is your mum’s mum, poopface, be nice to your grandma.'' Dallon said laughing a little. Apparently all Weekes man didn’t like Hazel’s mum. That woman was just too simple minded and mean. She was just one of those really bored with life old women who saw everyone’s flaws but not their own. Too proud to find something to do other than pretend to be useful. Her favourite hobby was judging Dallon’s parental ability or just Dallon in general.

''What did she do this time?'' He asked, feeling a little irritated. Her second favourite hobby, like for every evil witch, was making small children cry. Dallon could swear it was giving her power to live so long without any health related issues.

''She talked bad about Hulk.'' He said sadly. Dallon hugged him tighter. ''She said Hulk is ugly… and… and stupid!'' Dallon heard in his voice that he was close to tears. Damien was a very sensitive child, way more sensitive than Amilie when she was his age. Four year old Amilie was ready to bite people when they disagreed with her. Dallon had a funny scar on his leg as a proof. Since then her nickname was Lestat.

Dallon rubbed his back gently, rocking him in his arms. This was always calming Damien down and Dallon definitely didn’t wanted him to cry. For once, it would be pretty hard to get him to stop, but also because Dallon would probably start to cry himself too. There was nothing more heartbreaking for him to see his children sad.

''And she took my toy.''

''Don’t worry, buddy. I’ll give you back your toy, also Hulk is just too awesome for her. She’s jealous of his awesomeness. And that you two are such good friends.'' Dallon kissed the top of Damien’s head, causing him to groan a little and sat him on a chair after that. Damien was still flustered.

''If you want more pancakes, just tell me.'' Damien nodded and started eating. Thank god he wasn’t picky. Dallon would hate to have to force him to eat. This kid could literally eat anything. He even once ate dogs food and got sick. Dallon and Hazel were panicking, Amilie was laughing and Damien was crying that night. Dallon called their doctor, got called an idiot by him. It was just light food poisoning but Damien still had to take some medicine. Dallon obviously changed a doctor after that, mostly from shame.

It didn’t take long for Helen to step into the kitchen with Amilie. His daughter had a French braid on her head, which had to be Helen's idea. She never liked to have her hair tied up.

''Chocolate?'' Helen asked, frowning.

Dallon wanted to roll his eyes. She was always like that. When Hazel wasn’t home, and Dallon had to go somewhere, she pretended it was her duty to take care of the house and children. Or to just sit in their house and comment on everything. To, like she liked to call it ’check if everything was like it supposed to be’. Dallon didn’t really know how it supposed to looked for her, but he was sure it was total opposite of his idea.

''And fruit.'' He added, pointing at the banana and strawberry, because, apparently, she was blind.

''It’s up to you to decide, but I would give them something less sweet and more rich. They can’t live off chocolate and pancakes.''

''But as you said yourself, it’s up to me. I’m guessing you don’t want any? Make yourself at home, then. You know where we keep the food and everything else.'' He smiled sweetly as she looked at him coldly. Amilie giggled into her pancake and Damien was already covered in chocolate.

Helen never liked Dallon, she wanted her daughter to marry a doctor, not a writer. Someone who wouldn’t spend most of their time daydreaming. And definitely not someone who wrote bloody zombie scenarios. Even when they were still in high school, Helen was acting as if she was better than Dallon, or everyone for that matter. It got even worse when Gerard, Dallon’s best friend since diapers came out as gay. She even once went to Gerard’s house and handed his mother a bible. Obviously she was not happy of that kind of friends his daughter’s boyfriend had.

After cleaning Damien and forcing him to put different clothes on, Dallon was with Amilie in the car in front of her school. The drive didn’t took long, they talked about how Helen was actually a Satan in disguise. Amilie untied her braid on the way and threw the hairband on the backseat with disgust.

''Dad, you have to meet Mr Urie. He’s great!'' She had given him the puppy dog eyes and he knew he had lost. She was just shamelessly using her sky blue eyes to hypnotize people. He actually wanted to go home as fast as he could, so Helen would leave and Damien could play with Hulk. Every time Helen visited them, Hulk had to be locked in the other room simply because she didn’t like him. But then again, a few more minutes wouldn’t kill anybody. Hopefully. Through he wouldn’t cry if Helen would be killed in some tragic accident.

In all his life, he only hated one person more. Dolores Umbridge. And she wasn’t even real. He decided to create a character based off Helen in the new season and kill her in some complicated and gory way.

''If he’s that great then I can’t not met him.'' They got out of the car and Amilie suddenly stopped and looked up at him. She had that rebel spark in her eye.

''Mum will be home tomorrow, right?'' She asked innocently.

Dallon raised an eyebrow. He already had an idea where this was going. He felt himself smirking when she did. She had the same idea every time Hazel was gone. Not that Dallon always said yes, he wasn’t that soft. Fathers usually were more softer, probably because they were mentally still small children, but Dallon was not that soft. Or at least he kept telling that to himself.

''Yes?'' He replied slowly, pretending he didn't know what she wanted. Amilie nodded and smiled wider. What a troublemaker, Dallon thought.

''And today is Friday and I don’t have school tomorrow. So we can watch a horror movie tonight, right?'' Dallon sighed. Last time they did this, Hazel came home a little sooner than expected. She wanted to make them a surprise. She saw Dallon and Amilie watching a really bloody horror movie and eating junk food. She was not amused to say at least. Amilie never had nightmares anyway, she loved scary stories and horrors. She was just like Dallon. Fan of creepy things. She even liked spiders and bats. Was Dallon proud of having a weird kid? Yes. Yes, he was. Maybe even a little bit too much.

''Your mother will skin me alive if she’ll find out about that, you know that, don’t you, Lestat?'' Amilie only grinned, like the idea of her father being skinned alive was entertaining in some way.

''But she doesn’t have to know, dad. Small secrets, you know?'' Dallon laughed a little, shaking his head.

''I’m guessing pizza is in the package?''

''Duh.''

''Fine, but I choose the topping this time.'' Pineapple it is. Amilie hated pineapple.

''Deal.'' She said and pulled him to the big front door.

The building of her school was new and looked more like a university and not a middle school. It was white, had big windows almost all over the walls. At least from the inside it looked more friendly for kids. Walls had bright colours and cute paintings of animals and flowers at the bottom. Hazel once told him that kids made these. It was pretty cool to let children paint something on the walls. They must have felt like a bigger part of this place thanks to that.

Amilie nodded her head at the room with an open door. Dallon heard lot of noise from that room. Music instruments, laughter and screams. They stepped it. Most of the kids there were sitting in a circle on the floor with tambourines and other loud and irritating instruments. Dallon frowned, it was way too loud to focus on anything. The young teacher was standing with his back to them. Dallon had to admit, Brendon Urie had a great ass. Better than some women. He narrowed his eyes in confusion. Where did that thought came from?

''Dad, look!'' Amilie ran straight for the piano and sat on a chair, it made Brendon turn around and…

Well, _shit_.

Brendon smiled when she played a few notes without any mistake. Dallon spent that time drooling. He couldn’t even acknowledge her proud moment. Brendon was just gorgeous. More than that, actually. He had a beautiful and genuine smile, full pink lips and big soft eyes. He wasn’t short, just not as tall as Dallon, but that really was nothing new. Dallon was as tall as some basketball players. In high school he was called Dally Tally for some reason anyway. Meeting someone taller was one of the most exciting things in his life. Mostly because it hardly ever happened.

Brendon was also slim and really well dressed. Stylish and elegant. And holy hell, that booty was even more visible when Brendon stood sideways. If Dallon wasn’t drooling enough before, he was definitely now. He felt like a kid who saw boobs for the first time in his life. It was really embarrassing.

And then he panicked. Why the hell was he thinking like that about another guy? He wasn’t even bi! He never felt attracted to the same gender. He even felt guilty for thinking like that about someone other woman than Hazel. He wiped his mouth quickly before Brendon looked at him. For a moment he thought about running away, but then Brendon was too close. He forgot to breath

''Hi, I’m Brendon Urie. I believe we haven’t officially met yet. I must confess, Amilie is one of the smartest and nicest kids in here. She’s learning really quickly, too.'' His smile was big and honest. His teeth were pearly white. Dallon wondered for a moment whether he was allowed to talk like that about his students. It seemed that Amilie was his favourite. Or maybe he was telling that to every parent? He could be, to be more liked by them. Either way that made Dallon proud of his little girl. Go, Amilie! You smart girl!

''I’m Dallon Weekes. And thank you very much.'' Brendon had strong handshake and surprisingly soft hands for someone who was playing the guitar. Dallon remembered himself when he was still playing bass and his hands were covered in calluses. Brendon’s hands were slightly smaller than Dallon’s. There was no wedding ring. He realized he held Brendon’s hand a little longer than a usual handshake takes and let go quickly. Dallon had always had a thing for hands. Hazel had small and soft hands, always cold. Brendon’s hands, on the other hand, were quite big and warm. Dallon could see a tattoo peeking from his sleeve. He instantly became more interested. Dallon loved tattoos, he was just too afraid of needles and eventual regret to have one.

''Just being honest.'' Brendon shrugged. ''I really shouldn’t be saying that, but most kids in here look down on everyone, especially the staff. It’s nice to have a student that won’t be asking whether my family is rich or not. As if that would help them decide to respect me or not.'' Dallon’s eyes almost popped out. Suddenly he was terrified that Amilie would act like that In future. He would consider his parenting as a massive fail if his children would be overbearing. Not that they weren’t wealthy or something, considering Dallon was a writer and Hazel worked for a big new station, but Dallon came from a quite poor family himself and wanted to raise his children as modest people, who could work for themselves and not count on parents’ money for the rest of their lives.

''That really happens?'' He asked, shocked. He knew kids could be mean and horrible. He remembered from his childhood how they were. But that was some new level of it.

''Yup. So young yet so spoiled.''

''That’s actually really sad.''

''I know. And I try really hard to somehow show them that it shouldn’t matter, but sometimes it seems like a lost battle. The worst part is that their parents just teach them this at home and I’m just a music teacher here. I have no real authority over them.'' Brendon frowned a little, looking around. Dallon looked at the small chaos in the classroom. Some kids were playing popular and easy rhythms with each other, some tried to get the attention on themselves and others were just looking and cheering. Amilie was sitting on the floor with some girls, laughing.

''Maybe it’s not a lost battle.'' Dallon said after a while. He remembered one kid from his old school. Typical jock, rich parents, basically used to getting everything he ever wanted. And then a new art teacher started working in their school. It took three months to change Dylan from ignorant asshole to smart and actually nice guy. It was only because old Mr Jarvis never looked down on anyone and believed in his students.

''They seem to like you, Mr Urie. I know Amilie does. She talks about your lessons all the time.'' Brendon smiled softly at that. God, he was beautiful. He had those happy sparks in his eyes. Brendon definitely made the impression of someone who wakes up with a smile on their face at assoclock.

''She’s really a great girl. Reminds me of my little sister, Maggie. They both seem to know what to say and what to do when they want something. Other than that, they’re both angels.'' At that, Dallon chuckled. If that wasn’t the best description of Amilie, Dallon didn’t know what else could be.

''She got that after my wife.'' Brendon nodded. ''I’ve always been jealous of people who have siblings, you know?'' Said Dallon after a while, mostly because that was true, but also because he wanted to keep the conversation going. Small talk wasn’t always bad and stiff. Also the last thing Dallon wanted, was to stand awkwardly near Brendon without a word.

''I have five.'' Dallon must have looked quite shocked, because Brendon chuckled. ''Mormon parents.'' He explained. ''I have two older sisters and one older brother, and two younger sisters. Maggie is the youngest, only seventeen.''

''Big family. I’m guessing boredom was out of question.''

''Having privacy too. But I’m not complaining. It was great.'' Something in his voice and eyes seemed off. The sparkle was less visible. Dallon frowned a little, but decided not to ask. It seemed that family wasn’t the best conversation topic. ''Yeah. Anyway, would you like to stay for a little while? To see how Amilie is doing? Lots of parents do that during my lessons, and kids are really happy when they do. Also I really wouldn’t mind company of another adult.''

Dallon thought about this for a while. He wanted to see his daughter around other kids. He also wanted to stare at Brendon’s butt shamelessly again. He decided to feel guilty about that later. Damien might be a little angry for leaving him with Helen for that long though, but Dallon already knew how to bribe him later. Candy seemed to work all the time. But then again, he didn’t wanted Damien to cry. Dallon didn’t need more reasons to hate Helen. He was pretty sure a few more would end up with him in jail for murder.

''Sorry, I can’t today. I left my other child with a demon. I mean my mother-in-law.'' He wanted to punch himself for saying something like that in front of a teacher, but Brendon only nodded understandingly and chuckled quietly. Dallon sometimes just couldn’t keep his not-so-smartass comments to himself, though he really should, considering that he lost his job like that once. Funny story actually, tho back then it didn’t seem like that.

It was only because Brendon just didn’t seem like a teacher. Definitely not the stiff and strict type. Brendon was friendly, kind and very cheerful. It was really hard for Dallon to not say something too stupid and not to act too friendly. It just seemed weird. He never was in this type of situation. He always thought that teachers and parents never really liked each other. Teachers being the assholes to judge everyone’s parental abilities and all. Also Brendon was younger than Dallon, so there was that.

''Perhaps next time? Amilie would be really happy. She talks about you a lot.'' Dallon’s eyes went wide and Brendon laughed. Dallon had a pretty good idea about what Amilie could tell about him. ‘My dad lets me watch horror movies and eat lots of sweets and pizza and when I don’t have school I can go to bed anytime I want. Oh and also he allows me one ‘fuck’ a week’.

Brendon put his hands in front of himself. ''Only good stuff, I promise. She likes to brag about you.'’

''She does?''

''She does. You’re a cool dad, mr Weekes.'' Dallon was definitely going to gloat about it later. He found himself staring at the small scar on Brendon’s eyebrow and quickly looked in the other direction, when Brendon looked questioning at him. Dallon decided that Brendon’s eyes were the most beautiful eyes he has ever seen. Like melted milk chocolate or beer. Dallon felt himself getting warmer.

''See you next time, Mr Urie.'' Dallon said and hurried to the car. His heart was almost in his throat. It was more than weird. For most of his life he was pretty sure he was straight, since Hazel was the only person he actually felt that attracted to. Not that he never looked at someone else, he enjoyed looking at attractive people like everybody, but in the end, Hazel was the only person he wanted to look at for a longer time. And Brendon… Brendon was beautiful and warm and made Dallon’s heart beat faster. Dallon decided not to think about it for too long. He was a fan of ignoring the problem until it hit him with a hammer. He hoped Brendon won't hit him with a hammer.

He could hardly focus on the road before him.

When he came home, Damien was sitting in the corner facing the wall, sniffing quietly and Helen was on the couch, reading some book. Dallon frowned angrily. He definitely didn’t liked the scenery.

''What happened?'' He asked sharply.

''Damien was, as usual, being rude.'' She answered, not looking up from her book. Dallon ignored her and kneeled down next to Damien. Fighting with Helen was the last thing he wanted to do, but she was certainly not in the position to call his children rude. Dallon wanted to get Damien a normal babysitter, but Hazel insisted on her mother. She said kids were supposed to have more contact with their grandparents. Dallon wouldn’t mind, but Helen was an evil witch. Worse than Satan. Hell, even Frank’s mom wanted to take care of Damien, she adored him. Of course he knew family was important, but sometimes it was better to left some people behind.

''Have you been rude, little Batman?'' He asked quietly rubbing Damien’s back. The boy was shaking a little. ''I won’t get angry, I promise. I just don’t want you to lie to me.'' Damien nodded weakly.

''Yes.'' Dallon sighed.

''You know that what you did wasn’t nice, yeah?''

''I know.'' Damian pouted. 

''Are you sorry?''

''No.''

''It’s okay. Go to your room and wait for me. We’ll take Hulk for a walk. And we’ll visit uncle Gerard and uncle Frank.'' Damien ran to his room quickly. Dallon saw him sticking his tongue to Helen as he ran. He had to bite his lip not to laugh. Helen looked up with a frown. Dallon stood up and looked down at her. He just wanted her to leave. He was getting angrier with every second she was still there.

''You won’t tell him to say sorry?''

''If i force him to apologize, it won’t be honest.'' He tried to sound as casual as possible. ''If he doesn’t feel the need to apologize, then he doesn’t have to.''

''Unbelievable.''

''Thanks. I try.''

''I have no words. Why are you taking a child to people like Gerard Way? A child shouldn’t be forced to see such an abomination.''

''You mean my best friend and his husband? They’re both much better than you could ever be. I think you overstayed your welcome in my house.''

After that Helen left without a goodbye. She was shaking her head in disbelieve. She seemed insulted, which only made Dallon more proud of himself. He knew Helen must have called Hazel right after she left the apartment, but he didn’t really care. He knew Hazel wouldn’t be angry with him, because she would act the same way. Dallon was just tired of people trying to raise his children for him and Helen was always trying to prove he was doing something wrong. Because of that he felt anxious and uncertain a lot. He and Hazel just had their own way of raising their children, but Helen didn’t seem to approve of it. He was also angry for her comment about Gerard and his relationship.

Dallon went to Damien’s room and smiled at his son. Damien was sitting on a rug with Hulk licking him all over his face.

''Let’s get you some warm sweater, little beasty, and then we can go.'' Dallon helped Damien change his shirt for a sweater. Damien himself picked a red sweater with vampire fangs on it. Hazel laughed every time Dallon bought horror related clothes for Damien and Amilie, but he couldn’t help it. They just looked so damn adorable.

Hulk was running happily from one room to another before letting Dallon put him on the leash.

They went to the beach. It wasn’t too far from their place, and they could always take a cab on the way home. It was a warm September day, not too windy and sunny. Dallon just sat on the sand and watched Damien run around with Hulk. He took some photos on his phone, laughed a little when Damien fell on the sand and Hulk started licking his face. Dallon loved moments like that.

''Daddy! Look! Hulk made a friend!'' Damien screamed excited. He pointed his hand at the water, where Hulk was playing with two other dogs. Damien was laughing and jumping happily, then he went to sit on Dallon’s lap when he got tired.

''Guess who’s getting a bath tonight.'' Dallon whispered into Damien’s ear, as he put his arms around his son. Damien looked at Hulk and then at Dallon.

''You?'' He asked with a smile. Dallon only snorted and shook his head. Another child of his was becoming a smartass. What a time to be alive.

''And do you know who is very ticklish?'' Damien tried to run, but Dallon was obviously stronger so he held the boy with one hand and started tickling his sides with another. Damien howled with high pitched laughter. It wasn’t even a minute when Hulk jumped on the two of them, wanting to play.

They came home after a little more than an hour. After changing clothes and giving Hulk a bath, they made dinner (Dallon made dinner, Damien made a mess) and ate it while watching a cartoon. Dallon had some time to work before Amilie came back from school and wanted help with her homework. After that they visited Gerard and Frank. Damien spent ten minutes complaining to Gerard about his grandma and Frank giggled quietly into his hand. Amilie was playing with their rabbit.

''So much love for granny.''

''I like granny Linda better.''

''It’s because my mother is a fucking saint.''

''Frank!''

 

~~.~~

 

''I hate my boss.'' Hazel complained on the phone. Dallon smirked while putting pizza on the table. Amilie was already waiting for him with a movie, watching Dallon impatiently. Damien was sleeping with Hulk snuggled into his side in his room. ''He tried to convince me that secretly I’m a lesbian and I should date his daughter. He basically told me that I need more boobs in my life. I actually feel sorry for Annabeth. Also I feel quite insulted about the boob comment.''

''I can make him a character in a new episode and kill him for you.'' Dallon offered. Hazel giggled adorably.

''Yes, please, do that. Are the kids sleeping?''

''Yup, already in beds and snoring loudly.'' Amilie giggled into her hand and Dallon slapped her foot from the table, then sat next to her. The movie was already in the DVD player, waiting to be turned on. Amilie was playing with the pilot.

''Are you sure Amilie is not on her phone right now?'' Dallon looked at Amilie. She grinned. Her phone was charging at the other side of the room.

''I’m sure she’s not on her phone.'' That was technically not a lie. Amilie wasn’t on her phone. She was waiting for Dallon to stop talking so they could watch a horror. Somehow, Dallon thought, that Hazel would be less angry if she was on her phone till morning.

''Okay, see you tomorrow. Love you.''

''You too, sleep well Hazelnut.''

‘’So, can we finally watch it? The pizza’s getting cold, you know?’’

 

~~.~~

 

Hazel came home a few hours later than expected. She was late for her flight because of the traffic and she had to wait for another flight home. Dallon pretended to be a little sad about it, but in reality he was relieved. For him, it actually felt like Christmas came earlier. He overslept and left the pizza box on the table, the horror he had been watching with Amilie was still in the DVD player. Dallon decided that he would be a terrible criminal, leaving evidences of crime in plain sight and all. No lawyer would ever even try to defend him.

They were supposed to watch just one movie, but it ended with two more. Amilie had her way with him. He couldn’t resist her puppy eyes. Dallon felt terrified thinking about the future. ‘’Dan can I have all your money for this useless thing I find cool?’ Yes, sure, of course, anything you want, my dearest child.’’

Dallon and Amilie spent most of the movies on laughing at the ridiculous parts that made no sense. They liked to watch lame and stupid horror movies the most. Sharkinado was on their list of top ten movies. The number one ridiculous scene was when the male protagonist got shot five times in his chest, but somehow was still strong enough to fight an army of zombies for almost half of the movie. The next one was a girl being shot by a tank with a small hole in her stomach, still alive for some time. Both Amilie and Dallon were pretty sure she would be dead the moment she was hit. They even tried to do the math to see how strong the impact was, but abandoned that plan not long after. They were not good at math.

Damien woke up once to go to the bathroom a little after midnight, but was too sleepy to realize someone was in the living room. He probably wouldn’t even notice if it was a burglary. Around four in the morning they finally went to sleep and Dallon forgot to set the alarm. He was simply too tired to even think.

After cleaning the evidences of their late night crime with a little help from Amilie (and a lot of complaining, also from her), he made a fancy breakfast. She was working hard, Dallon was convinced. He wanted her to have something to look forward while coming home. Maybe that was some subconscious unsuccessful way to make her stay at home. So that when she’s gone, she would miss their home more.

“Dad?” Damien asked. He was sitting on the couch with his favourite toy in his hands. It was a small, chewed multiple times by Hulk figurine of Thor. Amilie was playing on her phone and My Little Pony was on the TV, forgotten.

”Yeah?” Dallon sat between his children. Amilie automatically put a pillow on his legs and laid her head there. “Someone’s comfy.” He smirked and she stuck her tongue out playfully. He did the same just because he was a manchild.

”Your legs are uncomfortable.” Complained Amilie.

“Daaaad!” whined Damien. He always got loud when he thought he’s being ignored.

“Sorry, what is it, honey?”

“Are ponies baby horses?” Amilie snorted.

“No. Ponies are just smaller horses,” he explained. Damien’s eyes almost popped out. He looked like he just realized a new world existed. To be honest Dallon was really happy he was so excited about everything. Hopefully, he’s going to have this innocence for a long time.

“Really? Can we go see one?” Dallon considered it. He decided it would be a good idea. To spend a family day with ponies. He would bring his camera and take shitton of unflattering photos of everyone. His favourite hobby.

“We’ll ask mom and then who knows.” He said instead. He was a good husband and he always asked his wife first.

“Cool!

‘’What if one eats you? You’re so small it might think you’re a really annoying piece of grass.’’

‘’Don’t scare him, Amilie.’’

They watched the telly for the next hour, until Hazel came home. She didn’t wanted Dallon to drive her home. She usually just used uber.

Damien almost jumped on her, when she walked thought the door. He was really happy to see her, which made Dallon smile. Amilie was a little less excited, but even she hugged her mom and let her kiss her cheek. Dallon was the last one to say hello, but he definitely did it the best. He put his arms around Hazel, picked her up and kissed her. Both Amilie and Damien were making gagging sounds and giggling behind them.

 “Happy to be back?” he asked.

 “Oh, definitely. I missed a husband who would cook for me all the time.”

“I bought you flowers and you’re so mean to me. I think I won’t give them to you. I might as well give them to Frank, he would at least appreciate my gesture and love me for that.”

Hazel laughed melodically and stood on her tiptoes. Even then Dallon had to bow down a little so she could whisper something to his ear.

“I can show you later how much I missed my man. But you might get a little too loud,” she smirked when she saw him swallow hard. Dallon suddenly felt dryness in his mouth.

 “Can we go see ponies? They’re small horses, did you know? Not baby horses.”

Dallon snorted. Apparently ponies were the only thing on his mind since the morning.

“Wow, really?” Hazel gasped, pretending to be surprised and shocked. Dallon only smiled. He loved seeing her with their kids.

Suddenly he felt sad and for some reason guilty. He knew how both of them missed her, when she was away. Obviously he wanted Hazel to work somewhere closer, he wanted her to be with them every day of the week, not three days and two nights. Sometimes she seemed like a weekend mom. He even asked her a few times to move from New York to Portland, but she never wanted to agreed.

He felt guilty for not knowing how to convince her to change her job or to move.

Then he felt a little angry. She wasn’t the one who had to cuddle Damien to sleep in the middle of the night and explain to him why mom couldn’t sing him to sleep while he cried. She wasn’t the one who had to see that sad face he was making. Damien was too small to understand, every other month Dallon had to explain to him, that Hazel loved him and she wasn’t away because she didn’t wanted to spent time with him. He had to make excuses for her so she wouldn’t feel bad. He didn’t even tell her about that, so that she wouldn’t be upset.

She also didn’t have to see the disappointed look in Amilie’s eyes. She was way too smart for her age. Amilie sometimes slept with Damien in his small bed, so he wouldn’t feel so alone. She knew that some nights Dallon just couldn’t deal with all of it without crying himself and he never wanted to worry Damien. Amilie was smart enough to not believe in Dallon’s excuses for Hazel, but also smart enough not to get angry with him for that. She knew he wanted the best for everyone, but sometimes, he was just powerless.

What was standing in the way to move to Portland? Was there something Hazel didn’t wanted Dallon to see? Dallon had everything in New York, but he wouldn’t think for a second if she asked him to move. As long as they would be in the same house for every night of the week. As long as they would be together. He grew up outside of NY. He had everyone he cared about in New York, but even if that would be hard and he would miss his friends, he was determined to do everything so his family would be happy. Family was on the first place for him, above everything else. His children were above everything else. After all, that’s what parent should do. Put their children first.

He shook his head. He realized he’d clenched his jaw and was squeezing the TV remote so hard his knuckles were white. He felt so angry he could barely keep a straight face.

“In that case we need to see them someday,” replied Hazel. Damien seemed so happy just to be by her side. It was just wrong. She should be there all the time with Damien, Amilie and Dallon. She should be with her family.

Dallon took a shaky breath. The conversation he was hearing seemed distant.

“Can we have one?”

“And where would that pony sleep?

“With me!”

“I think ponies need more space than that.” Amilie suddenly joined the conversation. She looked at Dallon like she knew. Of course she knew. She always somehow knew. “We can watch funny videos with ponies and other animals, if you want to?” Damien jumped in the air and sat himself comfortable on her lap. Amilie smiled sadly at Dallon.

He sat there for a little while in complete silence. He listened Damien’s and Amilie’s laughter as they watched funny videos of animals on the Internet. He could feel Hazel’s eyes, but decided not to look at her. He didn’t wanted to fight. He was tired with arguments about the same thing over and over again.

“I forgot that Gerard wanted me to call him,” he said after a few minutes and quickly left the room. It was obviously a lie, but he needed to leave the room. He decided to call Gerard either way, for moral support.

“And here I thought you’d be busy,” said his friend in a joking note. He couldn’t even laugh at that.

“I’m so fucking tired, Gee.” Gerard sighed. Dallon could literally hear in his voice this small, reassuring smile.

“Something happened?”

“No. Not really. I just got so angry. I don’t even know why. It’s just… I don’t know. Fuck.” He sighed and hid his face in his free hand. Dallon felt tired. He was tired of seeing Damian so excited to see his mom. He shouldn’t have to be. He should be able to see her every day.

“You two should really talk. It’s not doing any good for anybody. Especially for the little ones, Dally.”

“I try every goddamn time. I’m doing everything I can, I really don’t know what else to do. I’m out of ideas.”

They talked for a while. Gerard helped him calm down, but Dallon still didn’t wanted to talk to Hazel about what was bothering him. They had this conversation every two months but nothing changed. Gerard didn’t say the obvious thing that was on his mind, which Dallon was thankful for. He knew Gerard would ask him to think their relationship over. But they loved each other, there was nothing they couldn’t overcome, right? They had to stay a family. They had children. Dallon never wanted to hurt them.

He took a long bath and went to bed. He didn’t know when Hazel joined him, but he felt her hands around his waist after some time.

Everything will be better in the morning, he told himself. They love each other. It will be better. There was simply no other way. They had to be better. He knew everyone had doubts about their lives. Nothing wrong with that after all. Hazel probably had those too, sometimes. He did, too.

 

~~.~~

 

Dallon was laughing at some stupid joke he just made. He was working on an episode for over four hours now and he has already painfully murdered three people, but since it was a season finale, he decided to go on killing spree, because apparently brutal murders were his thing. It was also somehow therapeutic.

The whole Weekes family was in the living room. Dallon was sitting on the floor, with cookies on the one side and a black coffee on the other. Amilie was laying on a couch and reading some book that Dallon was only guessing was for school, and Damien was watching the TV with Hulk cuddled to his side. Hazel was sitting next to Dallon, stealing his cookies. The only sounds were coming from the TV, besides that, it was peacefully quiet. Dallon meant exactly that when he thought of a quality time.

Dallon was just in the middle of killing his mother-in-law when it happened. Some stupid, immature dick joke appeared in his mind and Dallon was just laughing and giggling for ten minutes. The joke wasn’t even that good. It was seriously lame, and it came to him in the worst possible time. While gutting her. He decided to gift himself with a mug that had a big pink LOSER written on it. Because Dallon was a loser. And he had no impulse control.

Hazel just looked at the computer screen, rolled her eyes and then shook her head. After so many years with Dallon, she was just used to his weird and childish behaviour.

“You, sir, are an idiot,” Dallon only giggled more. “Buy one for me too, please.” Dallon made an order of two loser mugs and laughed more. “Idiot.”

“Yup, you should seriously consider going for your boss’ daughter. She’s definitely more mature then I am,” Hazel frowned.

“I’m honestly not sure whether my mother would be happier if I was with her or you.”

“Well, Annabeth is a doctor.” At that, they both started laughing. Dallon tried to imagine Helen’s face as she was trying to compare the evil coming from her daughter’s relationship with him, or with Annabeth, another woman.

“Stop laughing, I can’t focus,” Groaned Amilie after a minute. She had given them a look that just said ‘pathetic’ and went back to her book.

“Sorry, princess. What are you reading?,” asked Dallon. Amilie seemed to be much more excited after that. She smiled a little and her eyes lit up. She was excited about this book and she was rarely excited about anything that wasn’t One Direction anymore. Dallon only hoped he could get her into The Beatles after a while.

“Mr Urie borrowed me this cool book by Jules Verne.”  Well. The Not-thinking-about-Brendon-Urie plan goes to shit then

Dallon had actually managed to live for a week without thinking about the young teacher. He was doing his things and then bum. Amilie had to bring him up. His name was like some sort of weird spell that made Dallon stiff and flustered. His heart suddenly beating faster. “He said his dad used to read him Verne’s books to sleep when he was Damien’s age.”

“Teachers definitely changed since we were young. I like this one. Isn’t that weird that he’s younger than us?”, asked Hazel and Dallon swallowed. He just nodded and went back to his script.

This time he couldn’t focus on anything, Brendon was in his head again and this time he couldn’t get him out.

“He’s the best teacher in this school,” said Amilie, smiling, “Really nice and funny, and he doesn’t get mad when we do something wrong.”

“Our teachers weren’t this cool. They liked to scream at us all the time.”

“Well, you were a troublemaker, Dal.” To be honest, Dallon had been a troublemaker for a while. He liked to be the class clown in elementary school, making everyone laugh during lessons and distracting teachers. His smartass comments were on point back then.

He suddenly started wondering what Brendon was in school. Was he shy? Was he also the clown? Or maybe the sports type? There was no way he could be a bully, he was too nice for that. Maybe he was in the marching band. Dallon could see that happening, after all, Brendon was really talented. He seemed a bit nerdy too.

Dallon sighed. How could he possibly think about this man for so long? Yes, he was obviously interested in him, after all Brendon Urie was an interesting person, but there was something more to that. Something that made it hard to stay away. Brendon seemed like some sort of force of nature that nobody could resist. Like a magnet, when Dallon, and probably the rest of the world too, was just a needle.

He decided to do the most stupid thing that could possibly be done in this situation.

To see him Monday morning. He told himself he wasn't doing this because he wanted to have a chance to spend time with him. He knew he was lying to himself. 

 

~~.~~

 

Dallon took Damien to Gerard’s salon an hour later. There weren’t a lot of people inside. A few talented girls Gerard worked with were spinning around gracefully on their high heels, doing wonders with hair and nails. Frank was, as usual, sitting in his spot, reading a book about some rock legend, Kurt Cobain this time. He loved books about artists and music. He had a collection of biographies at home. Frank hasn’t even looked up when they stepped inside. Gerard smiled when he saw Damien, the boy run to him.

“Hi there, little monster. How would you like to have your hair this time?” Damien’s eyes started glowing. Dallon tried not to laugh.

“Red!” he screamed. A few people looked at him disapproving, but neither Dallon nor Damien cared. Damien just wanted to have cool hair. Gerard picked him up and sat on a chair.

“I’m afraid I can’t, I think your mum would murder me.” Damien’s smile fell.

“But…”

“Tell you what, once you’re older, you’ll have red hair. Cooler than mine.”

“I’ll be cooler than you?”

“Everybody is cooler than this loser,” said Frank.

Dallon snorted and sat next to him. Gerard only rolled his eyes with a tiny smile on his face. He was wearing a miniskirt that day and Dallon could see everybody trying not to look obvious while staring at him. Except Frank, of course, who could probably dance around while showing off his wedding ring just to show how proud he was of himself for marrying Gee.

“You’re married to that loser. You’re also a loser, Frankie. Even a bigger one since you proposed.

“And don’t you have a job?” asked Dallon. Frank grinned.

“Not until Monday. And anyway, I have to keep an eye on Gee here. This weird Paolo guy is still trying to get into my husband’s pants.” The thing about Frank was that he was that really jealous and possessive type. He hated when someone was even trying to lightly flirt with Gerard. Also he had no filter when it came to things he was saying.

“What does that mean?” asked Damien. Dallon had terror in his eyes.

“It means he wants to steal my husband,” explained Frank quickly without missing a beat. For some unexplained reasons this small tattooed man was allowed working with even smaller children.

Dallon was more than happy that he didn’t have to give Damien the talk so soon. He still hoped Hazel would do it. Before they had children they had decided that Dallon will talk about sex with a boy, and Hazel with a girl. But she didn’t even need to give Amilie the talk, because she found out from the Internet. In some act of desperation he could also ask Frank to do it. He worked with kids. He must have had the talk at least once.

“That’s not very nice,” Damien frowned.

“No, it’s not.”

“Where’s your child anyway?” Dallon changed the topic. Somehow he didn’t wanted to listen or even think about husbands flirting with other guys.

“Lulu?” Damien asked excitedly. He fell in love with Lizzy the moment he saw her. He adored making weird and stupid faces to her and just making her laugh in general. Dallon and Frank already started planning their wedding. They agreed on early summer morning on the beach.

“She was taken from us by our mothers,” said Frank dramatically, but his smirk was saying a different story.

“She was not taken. Frank willingly gave her away while saying ‘my prayers have been listened, take this demon away from me for today, I wanna bug my husband for the rest of this day’” Dallon started laughing at Frank’s face. He looked proud of himself. That smug fucker. Gerard was violently gesticulating the whole time. And Frank was the Italian one. “And I’m not even joking, he almost started crying, which was hilarious by the way, when he gave her away. I think by now our mothers have already eaten our child.”

“No,” mumbled Damien, “Lulu was not eaten.” Frank again saved the situation explaining why Gerard said that. Dallon felt actually relieved with having Frank on his side, but obviously he wouldn’t admit that. Ever. Not even on his death bed. His manly pride wouldn’t let him.

He stayed with Frank and Gerard for the rest of the day. He didn’t have anything else to do anyway. Linda and El came with Lizzy an hour later. Damien started happily jumping around and Dallon with Frank went back to planning the wedding. Gerard only shook his head, but he was smiling nonetheless.

Suddenly Brendon Urie was in his mind again. He wondered if he had children himself. He was too curious about that man for his own good. He couldn’t stop himself from thinking about him in the most unexpected moments.

When Dallon came home, he pretended to be tired. They haven’t had sex that night either.

 

~~.~~

 

“Hi, Amilie,” said Brendon with a smile. Dallon held his breath when the teacher looked at him. He was terrified to learn that he actually missed these eyes. Somehow he felt relieved seeing them. “Hello, Mr Weekes. How are you this wonderful morning?”

Dallon actually had to frown at that. Mornings are never wonderful, not even good, just plenty horrible. It was humanly impossible to like mornings. Brendon Urie was an alien. Confirmed. There was no other possible reason behind liking mornings. He vaguely heard The X-Files theme in the distance.

“Dad forgot to drink his coffee, so he’s grumpy. He also punched me with a pillow when I tried to wake him up and he was the one who wanted to come with me today,” explained Amilie. Dallon glared at her. Unbelievable. She just sold him out. His own child, his own blood. 

Brendon laughed and Dallon’s cheeks heated up. How was this even possible for him to blush? Other than shame for being a terrible parent that was punching his children with pillows obviously.

Dallon was an adult who had semi-regular dirty sex, watched weird porn for half of his life with Gerard (for science, obviously) and even had his and Hazel’s sextape hidden on his laptop. Why was this guy making him this flustered? Brendon was smiling the whole time so it wasn’t really helping the situation in any way.

“Thanks, sugar,” he grumbled to Amilie, “Next time you’ll want to watch a horror movie go to mum.”

Brendon smiled wider, meanwhile Dallon was hoping his parenting wasn’t judged by the fact that he was letting a twelve year old watch horror movies. And abusing his children with pillows. Someone mentioned terrible parenting? Helen would be delighted to learn that about him. Dallon was pretty sure she would be smiling while calling child protecting service.

“Well, if your dad would like to stay, I could offer him a nice cup of coffee.” There was something in Brendon’s eyes as he was looking straight at Dallon. Like a challenge. Was he laughing at Dallon? Probably. If Dallon was more awake he would most likely laugh at himself

He couldn’t sleep last night. He was frustrated in many more ways than one. He was still angry that Hazel would be leaving the next day. He was also pretty horny.

“I can stay this time.” He nodded just to assure himself. And apparently it was possible for Brendon’s smile to grow. Dallon felt like he was going to a place with no escape at this point.

“Good. You can sit on my desk, since chairs are for normal sized humans, and I’ll make you some coffee.” Dallon wanted to say something funny about a secretary sitting on her boss’s desk, but he decided not to. That would have been too close to actual flirting. Dallon did not want to go there. Especially since his daughter was there. He just nodded and sat quickly.

The room wasn’t that big. It also didn’t really look like a usual classroom. The only desk there was belonged to Brendon, small chairs were in the back and all around the class kids were playing different instruments. It was pretty chaotic and really loud. It looked more like a playroom and not real lesson.

“This is the only class in this school that is soundproof,” Brendon said after picking a guitar pick from the floor and handing him hot coffee. He seemed proud for some reason.

“Can’t imagine why,” Dallon answered in a sarcastic note and Brendon winked. Fucking winked. Dallon almost choked on his spit. He was only thankful Brendon was looking in a different direction and didn’t see that. That was just ridiculous. The way his body was reacting to this guy.

“Dad! This is Lily, my friend!” Dallon was introduced to most of the kids in there. Amilie looked proud as she was saying how cool her dad was. Dallon thought to himself that in a few years he won’t be so cool anymore, but at least he could enjoy it for a while.

Amilie was really happy that he stayed. She was smiling the whole time, showed him off to her friends and sang beautifully. That was probably the proudest moments in Dallon’s life. Not only he had a talented daughter, but also she was proud to tell people he was her dad. He applauded himself in silence. He must have been doing something right, and that was the only thing he needed to know.

Brendon caught him once or twice on staring and Dallon flushed a little in hope that younger man won’t say a word about it later. Dallon just couldn’t control it, really. It was almost like something in Brendon was forcing everyone to look at him. The way he played with those kids, softly sang with them, his energy was just really appealing. He moved with such a grace, like a dancer. Maybe he could also dance. Dallon wouldn’t be surprised. This man seemed to have everything: talent, looks, personality. People were just drawn to him. Alien. An anomaly.

Well, fuck. Dallon thought to himself. He hoped this little crush-like thing of his will pass next morning. He really wanted to find some of Brendon’s flaws and focus on them. He got his phone out of his pocket and there was one text message from Hazel.

 

_9:21 am_

_Wifey: I’m guessing you’re staying with lil Satan and Mr Urie?_

 

He snorted a laugh.

 

_9:21 am_

_Your birth giver is Satan. Amilie is at most small demon. Also I was kinda forced._

_9:21 am_

_Wifey: Mr Urie is really good with children._

_9:22 am_

_He is quite something._

 

He felt strange talking to his wife about Brendon, while all he wanted to do was bend him over that desk and spank him so hard it would leave a mark for a long time. When the bell rang, Brendon sat close to Dallon. Kids ran to the cafeteria, and they were the only ones there. Suddenly it was really quiet and Dallon found breathing to be harder. He didn’t know how to start a conversation and running away wasn’t an option. He was an adult, not a four year old.

“You seem to be deep in your thoughts,” Brendon said quietly. Dallon almost chocked on his spit again. His face turned red. He was blushing more than ever. That was even worse than when his mum found his porn by an accident when he was fifteen.

“Just… you know-” thinking about spanking you, the usual, “thinking about work,” he lied. Brendon hummed. Dallon wasn’t sure he believed him, but if Brendon wanted to play along, Dallon was more than happy for it.

“Little ones will be gone for twenty minutes so we can finally talk. You write scripts for Undead Nation, right?” Brendon asked. Dallon suddenly tensed. He usually didn’t care if people liked his show or not, but somehow he wanted Brendon to like it.

“Yes. Have you seen it?”

“I have. My friend is a really big fan of yours. Pete would flip tables if he’d knew we talk,” he laughed, “I only watched a few episodes though, but I liked it. I have it bookmarked on my computer to watch when I’ll have time. I haven’t finished season one yet, but I will be the one to flip tables if Andy dies.” Well…. Brendon looked at Dallon. Dallon felt like a guilty dog. “No. Oh come on, dude.”

“Sorry!” he squealed.

“He’s awesome!”

“And also a psycho!” Dallon reminded Brendon. Andy was probably Dallon’s favourite character he had ever created. Being a schizophrenic sociopath during a zombie apocalypse and all. Dallon spent a lot of time making him that kind of character everyone wanted to hate but just couldn’t. He also made his death really spectacular.

“That makes him even more awesome,” Brendon argued, his voice high. They started laughing at that.

“Hey, can I call you Dallon? It just feels a little strange and stiff to call you Mr Weekes all the time.”

“Sure, Brendon.” His name tasted like honey on his lips.

“Cool. So how did you got into screenplays?”

“It’s a kinda funny story actually. I started by writing stories online. It began with something like Star Wars, The Walking Dead and such. You could call it fan fiction, because it was, to be fair. At least when it came to Star Wars. I was still in school at that time. Then I created more original stories, they were quite popular. After a while I got an email from the studio, apparently they were interesting in working with me. So, here I am, I guess.“ Brendon hummed.

“Good for them.”

“What about you? I mean, did you always wanted to be a teacher?”

“Fuck no. Sorry.” Dallon started laughing, and Brendon giggled relieved. Normally he had quite low voice, but his giggles made him sound like a teenage girl. It was not adorable. Not adorable at all…  “No, I always wanted to be in a band. And I was, for a while, but I guess it wasn’t for me. To many attractive boys around.” Was it his way of saying he was gay? Dallon wasn’t sure if he’d be happy that Brendon might consider him attractive, or if he was scared of it. Brendon looked at him. Probably to see Dallon’s reaction.

“I played bass in school. Was in a band for a while as well.” Brendon smiled a little. He seemed relieved. “So… you’re gay?” he asked and mentally stabbed himself. Several times. It would be less awkward to ask something like that, if he had never met someone of different sexual orientation. But he grew up with Gerard who was not only gay, but also looking really fucking good in miniskirts for fucks sake. Was he suddenly feeling self-conscious because Brendon could or could not find him attractive?

“If It wasn’t obvious enough before, yes, I’m gay.” Brendon laughed a little. Dallon found himself liking that sound a little too much. Way too much.

“I’m sorry. That was stupid of me.” Dallon hid his face in his hands like that could help his total humiliation. Brendon nudged him with his elbow, shifting a little closer while at it. Dallon felt warm from his body, it was nice. He could also smell his delicate perfume. He had to stop himself from sniffing Brendon.

“It’s okay if you haven’t meet a lot of gay people.” Dallon sighed. He felt more and more embarrassment. “Just don’t go ‘no homo’ on me. Just because I like dick, doesn’t mean I want yours.” He could tell Brendon was making fun of him. Dallon also felt kinda disappointed, but decided not to take this to his heart.

“Oh my god,” he groaned. Meanwhile Brendon was laughing. “My best friend is married to a guy and likes wearing skirts. I don’t know why I reacted so awkwardly. That was lame. I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Sometimes my brain just doesn’t work like it should.” He decided to change the topic before Brendon could tease him even more. “You never wanted to be a solo artist?”

“Nah, not really. And now I’m too old for that anyway.”

“What? No, come on. How old are you? Thirteen?”

“Hilarious. I’m twenty nine. And I just never wanted to be one of those boyish pop stars and all. I respect myself way too much for that. Also I wanted to make rock music. You can’t do it properly when you don’t have a cool band. I wanted to make something between Green Day and Frank Sinatra or The Beatles.” Dallon frowned.

“How would you even mix these?” Brendon smirked.

“I already did. Maybe someday you’ll get a chance to hear it.” He winked again. WAS THAT FLIRTING?

“How did you ended up here anyway? As a teacher.” That was something that was eating on Dallon. Brendon just didn’t gave the impression of a teacher. He looked more like some hybrid between a hipster and a punk.

“My oldest brother worked here before. He was an English teacher.” Brendon looked at the window. He was quiet for a while. Like he was thinking if Dallon was worth sharing this story. Dallon spent that time staring at his profile. No matter at which angle he was looking, Brendon was beautiful all the time.

“After college I didn’t really knew what to do with myself. The band thing didn’t work as good as we wanted it to, and I had no backup plan, because I put all my hopes into this band. I went to Julliard for the music and for a long time it seemed completely lost when the band broke up. Somehow I got into tutoring kids for little extra money. Piano, guitar, violin, vocal. At the same time I had a few different part-time jobs.” He looked at Dallon. He was smiling, but it was barely visible. “Ari, my brother, convinced me to go to university. He even helped me pay it off. With some weird luck I finished English and music at the same time.”

“English?” Dallon must have made a funny face, because Brendon laughed.

“Yeah, but they wanted me to teach only music here. I think they decided I’m too young to be a good authority.” Dallon frowned.

“Well. That’s sounds like bullshit.”

“Maybe they’re right to some point. I mean, I would never see myself as a teacher. I was the hyperactive kid with ADHD that was making everyone laugh during lessons. Teachers hated me, man,” he laughed. “My mom was talking to the principal at least twice a month. I was so annoying even the bullies stayed away. Teachers were like ‘how much sugar do you give your child?’ and my mom just didn’t know what to do. I was put on medication, but it seemed just wrong. As if I was someone else. Some imposter.”

“You know, I had a feeling you would be the class clown type,” Dallon said, before he could stop himself. Brendon looked at him a little confused at first and then smiled shyly. There was something in his eyes that sent chills down Dallon’s spine.

“You thought about how I was in school?” Dallon found himself breathing hard. He looked down. Shit. Suddenly it got quiet. Dallon couldn’t look up, but he felt Brendon eyes on him. He wanted to run.

“Anyway, I was way worse in high school.” Dallon stopped playing with his wedding ring when he saw Brendon’s eyes on his hands. He felt the weird need of hiding it.

“That brother of yours, he seems like a great guy.” Brendon suddenly tensed.

“He was.”

“Why? Did he change?” The look on Brendon’s face was enough for him to understand. He was mortified.  “Oh, god. I’m so sorry. Wow. I’m an idiot. I’m really sorry. Again,” Dallon continued mumbling but Brendon only giggled.

“It’s fine.” Then his smile fell. “He was just really sick. The macho type that never went to the doctor unless he was forced to. One day it was just too late.” He frowned and looked at Dallon. “Sorry, I made it depressing.”

“No, it’s okay. Is it common in your family? My father died of cancer.” Brendon’s face fell.

“Well… I wouldn’t exactly know. Mormons aren’t really tolerant. Really religious people tend not to be at least.” Dallon’s eyes almost popped out.

“Fuck. Shit. I’m really sorry. I should just shut up for today and crawl in some hole.” Brendon started to laugh. He slapped a hand in front of his mouth, but Dallon still heard him. “Stop laughing at me when I’m making an idiot of myself, you asshole,” he whined, but it didn’t take long for Dallon to also start laughing. It was a little hysterical from both Brendon and Dallon but it killed the awkwardness from before.

“No, it’s fine, really. It’s nice to talk sometimes. Tell me about your dad.”

“He died when I was four, so I don’t really remember him a lot.”

Then Dallon told Brendon everything he could remember about Rick. He realised he hadn’t talked about him for a long time. Sometimes Amilie would ask about his parents, but they never talked about that for long. Last time when he talked so long about Rick was the night Amilie was born. He sat with Gerard in the hospital waiting room and just spoke for what seemed like hours.

The bell rang when Brendon opened his mouth. Dallon frowned. He wanted to hear everything he had to say. He wrote his number on some paper ignoring the surprised look from Brendon.

“Call me, we’ll go for a coffee and I’m gonna be as nosy as I can.” Brendon grinned.

“You have time to be nosy tomorrow?”

“Yup”

“See you tomorrow, then.”


	2. cause I'm a little unsteady...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Shit goes down.  
> I love drama.

Dallon couldn’t stop grinning on the way home. Not even when he got caught in one of the biggest traffics this week. He still smiled when other drivers were screaming around him. Usually he would be one of them, because honestly, who didn't hate traffic? But for some reason, thanks to Brendon, it wasn't as unbearable as always. He was humming to some song on the radio, tapping his hands on the wheel. He felt relaxed, which was just plain ridiculous considering the situation he was in.

Nobody ever stuck to his thought like Brendon did. Never for more than a day. Dallon found the courage in himself to talk to Brendon again. He hoped he'll find out something about Brendon, that will make him forget. Some flaw, anything. The smallest thing that would make Brendon not seem so perfect. But after the conversation they had, he felt more excited about everything than he had felt in the last two years. He felt stupid butterflies the whole time they were talking.

And they were supposed to meet the next day.

Dallon knew it was just a friendly meeting, or at least it supposed to be, but he couldn’t get that tingly feeling out of his chest. It just felt so much like a date for him. There was this wrong, very wrong hope inside of him, that maybe Brendon wanted him too. Which was another reason why it felt so wrong but also so good.

Dallon was married.

Dallon wanted Brendon.

He couldn’t lie to himself that he didn’t. Brendon was the most beautiful and stunning man he had ever seen in his life and Dallon wanted to claim him in so many different ways there wasn’t enough time in the whole universe for.

He wanted to push his hands through Brendon’s hair. They must have been incredibly soft and fluffy, Dallon was sure of that. Brendon's hair looked like he was taking care of it really well: healthy and shiny and Dallon wanted to play with them. He wanted to see Brendon with his hair all messy. How did he look in the morning or after a shower? Was his hair sticking in every direction or just laid flat on his giant forehead? Was it long enough to fall into his eyes? And was it his natural colour? His hair looked incredibly dark and Dallon wanted desperately to feel it between his fingers.

And his skin. Dallon wanted to taste it. Touch his neck, kiss it, lick it, maybe bite a little too. Brendon had amazingly soft hands and Dallon just couldn’t get the imagine of them touching him out of his head. He wanted to feel them on his body, slowly teasing him. He wanted to know if Brendon’s whole body was as soft as his hands. He really felt like a horny teenager.

Last time he felt like that, he was a fucking teenager.

He also, fuck knows how, developed some sort of feeling towards the younger man. He wanted to get to know him more. Listen to his life story, learn about Brendon’s hobbies and much more. Wanted to make him laugh with stupid jokes, wanted to hug him when he was sad.

He couldn’t stop thinking about Brendon’s lips, too. The way they were moving while he spoke. They seemed so soft he started to wonder if Brendon used lipstick. For some reason he found that incredibly hot. Fuck, he wanted to taste that lipstick on his lips.

And those eyes. Dallon wanted to stare into them all the time. They were magical and so warm. So inviting.

Being this close to Brendon for so long made him feel lightheaded. He just now started to realize that during the whole conversation they had leaned towards each other so much, they were touching arms in the end. Brendon also played with his fingers a lot. Was he nervous? Dallon couldn’t tell. He, himself, was having a heart attack every few minutes. Maybe it was just because of Brendon's ADHD.

Brendon smelled really nice, too. He was wearing light and quite spicy perfume, but his hair smelled like sweet oranges. Under his perfume Dallon could smell something else. A little smoky, like cigarettes, but not quite, not as suffocating as smokes. Dallon knew that smell, he just couldn’t remember where from. The grassy sweet smell was running around his head all the time. It kinda made him feel nostalgic. For some reason that was the only thing he was confused with. The rest seemed to make perfect sense. He just wanted to drown in the feeling Brendon gave him. Dallon was excited by just the idea of them being close.

“Someone’s cheerful today,” Hazel said the moment he came home. Dallon immediately felt bad. He couldn’t even look her in the eyes. He felt like a man, who was going behind his wife’s back. He wasn’t. It was harmless. Him and Brendon were just talking. He felt like a liar. To her, to himself.

“I guess I’m just happy for killing your mother in my show,” he lied and she laughed. She believed it. He felt even worse. Hazel and Dallon were telling each other about everything. They were always doing all they could to protect their marriage, Dallon was always making sure of that.

Hazel even told him that once when she was drunk on his birthday she kissed Jared. It was dark and he was as tall as Dallon. He remembered how bad she felt after that and he only laughed because Jared also thought he was kissing someone else. His wife to be more specific. This was such a light situation compared to what he was feeling towards Brendon. Shocked, he realised that it happened before Damian was born. Time flies.

He couldn’t understand what he wanted or what was best for him. Brendon? Or his family? He loved Hazel for so long, but he felt actually alive with Brendon. And he knew he couldn’t be seeing Brendon (friends or not) while having those feelings towards him. That was also cheating. He would be lying himself, Hazel, Brendon and everyone around him. His kids. He knew he wanted him. More than he ever wanted her. Maybe it’s his mid-life crisis? One moment he wants to kiss Brendon, the other he wants to tell everything to his wife. For some reason he stayed in between.

“You know, some people would be seriously concerned about you for saying things like that.”

“Probably.” He forced a laugh. “Have you eaten breakfast already?”

She was still in his old shirt, he noticed. She had stolen it after their first time and was sleeping in it ever since. It was so long it went to her knees. She always looked adorable in it. Dallon put his arms around her and kissed her hair. She smelled like strawberries.

He missed oranges.

It felt strangely mechanic, hugging her like that. There was no excitement. Just a habit. Dallon felt irritated.

“No, I woke up an hour ago. Frank was here with his mom and they took Damien and Hulk. I think they want to steal our child. Frank also mentioned something about a wedding.”

Dallon sighed.

He had hoped Hazel would spent the morning with Damien. Whenever she was home, Damien was so happy, he wanted to spent every minute with her, yet somehow it seemed that sometimes she was too tired to play with him or even have a lazy day with him watching TV. This was also making Dallon angry. No matter how tired he’d be, he always tried to find time for Amilie and Damien. Some people could call his work easy and effortless, but it was much harder than they could even imagine.

Every time Dallon sat in front of his computer, he needed to remind himself what was happening long before the episode he was writing at the moment. He had to imagine himself in those unusual situations, but not as himself, as the characters he created. He had to remember everything about them. He had to become those heroes for things to work. It was mentally and emotionally tiring. He had to close himself in their world, feel what they felt and just generally be them.

Of course he loved it. But it was still exhausting nevertheless.

“Go back to bed and I’ll bring you something,” he heard himself speaking. He wasn’t even looking into her eyes, just on the tiny birthmark on her nose.

“You’re the best husband I could ever ask for.” He tried not to make a face at that.

Hazel went to the bedroom and Dallon to the kitchen. He was too lazy to do something other than sandwiches. When he finished, she was sitting on the bed, waiting for him.

“When’s your flight?” he asked. She usually was leaving after Damien went to bed, so she could read him a story. It was one of not-so-many nights, when Damien slept peacefully through the whole night. She looked at her phone, checking the hour.

“In four hours.” Dallon frowned. It was just ten.

“That soon? I hoped we could all go somewhere. To the park, or to eat something.” She made a face like she just ate a lemon. Dallon actually wanted to go to the park and eat ice cream, since it was a hot day and they could always go inside if they got cold. He couldn’t remember when the last time they did something like that was. They were a family, they were supposed to do stuff like that. And he knew Damien loved ice cream.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Allen asked me to come earlier, I couldn’t exactly say no.” Allen was her boss. Dallon obviously hated him, because he made her work longer, which wasn’t good for their children.

“Yes, you could,” he stated, his voice angry. She frowned.

“Okay, I could,” she said slowly, “But I didn’t really want to. Hey, don’t be mad at me. You know how much I love it there.” At this Dallon just snapped. What the hell was she thinking? Did she just imply that her work was more important to her than their children? Couldn’t it really wait a few hours so she could spend time with her family?

“I’m sorry. I was just under the impression you also love it here, but-”

“That’s just low, even for you, Dallon.”

What was that supposed to mean? ‘Even for you’?

“What should I think?! When you’re always there? Just four months ago you were home a day longer than now, what if one day you’ll just stay there? Since you love your job so much!” She looked offended.

“Do you really think I could just leave? You and the kids?”

“I don’t know what to think, Hazel! I’m fucking lost here. You’re gone for more days every few months. How can I be sure you won’t leave one day? You’re never here to see how it’s affecting them! And you don’t even spend time with them as much as you used to! I feel like I don’t know you anymore. I feel like our children don’t know you anymore.”

He didn’t wanted to tell her that. He knew that this would hurt her. But maybe this was the only way she could understand what was happening when she was gone. There was also this tiny voice in his mind telling him that he shouldn’t stop himself. That maybe, for once, she should feel the pain she was causing. That she deserved it.

He already felt like an asshole and it was only the beginning.

“Didn’t you see how happy Damien was when he saw you? If he could, he would probably jump into the sun. Amilie is mad at you all the time for not being here. She’s smart, Hazel. She knows you have a choice and that you’re choosing work. And if you love your work so much why can’t we move to Portland? Is there something there you don’t want me to see?

Sometimes his head was haunted with those awful thoughts and doubts. Was she having an affair? Was it the reason she never wanted to move there? Or was she regretting marrying Dallon and having children? Maybe she liked being there so much because she could be there alone.

She sighed.

“I told you this so many times. I don’t want to live in Portland, I have everything here.” She was telling him this all the time, but for some reason this time it felt like a broken record.

“So change your job.”

“Dallon…”

“You’re hardly home, Hazel. I sometimes don’t know if there’s someone holding you there, or is it me holding you back.”

It hurt. Even thinking that he could, for so many year, be holding her away from something she wanted the most. Was she not happy? Did she wanted something Dallon never knew about and couldn’t give her? They were young when Amilie was born, she was a surprise for both of them, but Dallon always thought Hazel was as happy as he was when she opened her beautiful blue eyes for the first time. Maybe she changed her mind? But how could she?

Dallon was getting more and more frustrated but also desperate. If she didn’t wanted to be there for him, he wanted her to be there for their children. They needed her more.

“Do you want me to go? Is that’s what this is about?”

“I don’t know! Do you not want to be here? It sometimes seems like you don’t.” It went silent for a while.

“I’ll go to Frank’s to say goodbye to Damien and I will wait for my plane at the airport.”

He didn’t try to stop her while she was putting her clothes on. He knew by the look on her face that she was waiting for him to do something, but he was too angry and frustrated to do so. Maybe it was his pride, too. He couldn’t really tell. He believed that everything he was doing was for their kids. He wanted them to be happy. That was the most important thing for him.

It seemed that it wasn’t as important for Hazel as he hoped.

He let her leave without a word. When he heard the doors closing, he collapsed on the bed with hands on his face. When did he start crying?

An hour later he got a text from Frank.

 

_11:23 am_

_Frnk: Sorry about what happened, but this was long time coming. My mom will take Amilie and Damien for dinner, maybe even take care of them for the night. Gerard is on his way, I’ll be there later with alcohol and your favourite pie. Love ya_

 

For some reason Dallon felt like he hasn’t told her everything he wanted to this time.

 

~~.~~

 

The thing about Dallon was that he was never good with alcohol. True, he was never hungover, that was a gift from ancient gods of Olympus honestly, but he could never remember everything, only bits and parts. Like watching every five minutes of a movie. After the night spent with Frank and Gerard he could remember being generally pathetic in every possible way. And also very immature. He cried for a while, felt bad for himself, then cried some more when they told him Damien was really sad when Hazel left. He just couldn’t stand the thought of his children being unhappy. He told them everything that was on his mind lately. Somehow a word about Brendon never came out of his mouth, which was a miracle since he only closed it to drink or eat. He even smoked a few cigarettes he stole from Frank. He felt sixteen again. Then they watched the new Star Wars, cried over Han Solo and later went to the nearest shop to buy so much ice cream, they could feed a whole state with it. Obviously they were sure it was a great idea to buy a pizza after that, too.

“Dude, when was the last time you two had sex anyway?” Frank asked at some point.

Dallon thought about this for a while. For the last two months, when Hazel was home, they never even tried to. Dallon was in his little room with his laptop writing, because he was close to the season finale, and Hazel was mostly sleeping.

Had it really been this long?

Dallon tried to remember a month before and another one as well.

“Shit,” he breathed, “I don’t know.”

“What do you mean? Was it like a month ago?” Gerard asked.

“I think the last time we had sex was five months ago.” It got silent after that.

“What the fuck?” Frank whispered.

“It can’t be this long.''

“What the fuck, Dallon. We have a kid that is barely a year old and we have sex like three times a week.”

So that was why Dallon felt miserable in the morning. He remembered the time he overheard his mom talking to a friend ‘the relationship is dead if you stop having sex’. Not even Brendon’s text could cheer him up.

 

_9:09 am_

_Brendon Urie:  Work ends at 5, see you then?_

 

~~.~~

While drunk, Dallon almost called Hazel two times. He never had a good impulse control and when he was under the influence all restrains he ever had disappeared each time.

The first time he tried to call Hazel, it was Frank who stopped him. Dallon tried to make it as difficult for him as possible. In his drunk state it meant standing on his toes and holding the phone as high as he could. Both Gerard and Frank were shorter than him and for some reason Dallon thought of himself as invincible in that situation. He thought that Frank would be stupid enough to jump up, like in those cartoons he used to watch as a kid, but instead, he stood on the sofa and took the phone out of Dallon’s hand. Dallon didn’t feel so invincible anymore, more like stupid and defeated. He couldn’t believe Frank did that. He was so offended.

The second time it was Way-Iero teamwork.

Dallon run straight to the bathroom when he got his phone back, but he forgot how fucking fast Gerard could be. He should have remembered that, considering they had known each other for over thirty years and lived together for four. Also Dallon was too tall for his own good. He felt like his limbs were too long and therefore he felt like a lanky giraffe, so that was never helpful. He almost tripped over his own legs.

Before Dallon got the chance to even touch the door handle, Gerard was pinning him to the floor, holding one of his hands behind his back. Dallon yelped from the pain.

‘’Give me that phone you stupid bitch!’’ Gerard howled into his ear and Dallon winced. He felt his fingers let go of the phone and not even a second later Frank took his phone away. All three had started breathing heavily. Gerard let go of him and laid on the floor on his back.

‘’I give up,” Dallon huffed and Gerard hissed. He felt like he had run a marathon. Because that’s apparently what you get when you never exercise and when you’re old. And Dallon wasn’t getting any younger.

‘’Good. So your brain isn’t melted completely,’’ said Frank. He was the only one who seemed to be amused by it. But it was Frank, he could find anything and everything amusing. Ha had a special sense of humour.

‘’Shit, I can’t breathe. I need to go to the gym.’’ They all started laughing hysterically at that. Gerard was, again, hoping he would go willingly to the gym. It was as unrealistic as Dallon suddenly changing the genre of his show to romance.

‘’Dallon, you’re really pathetic now. I feel like I need to let you know that.’’ Dallon sighed, Gerard had a point.

‘’I know.’’ He whined. He decided to let himself be pathetic for the rest of the night. In the morning, he will be a new man. Yes, Dallon liked to lie to himself.

‘’How many times have you called her before we got here?’’ He was silent for a moment, then, he let out a heavy breath.

‘’Three.’’

He didn’t say it out loud, but he was grateful that they didn’t let him call Hazel. He would die from embarrassment and humiliation if she would answer the phone and he was in such state. It would definitely not help the situation at all.

Frank and Gerard left around four in the morning. None of them slept through the whole night and they all regretted it deeply. They just then realised that they weren’t that young to stay awake the whole night without the painful consequences. And Frank was supposed to be at work five hours later. Before they left, they forced Dallon to take a long shower and made him breakfast. Dallon waited until six until with calling Hazel again, because it was the time she was usually up already, but she didn’t answer. He wasn’t sure if that was good or not. He still didn’t feel entirely sober yet.

He tried going to sleep, but the guilt and embarrassment kept him awake. Thoughts and doubts were bombarding his head too. He was never a fan of those and so he decided to get up and get himself busy with something. He cleaned the house a little. First he got rid of the alcohol bottles and cold pizza, he opened the windows to get rid of the smell. He felt his stomach twist at the sight of it. He was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to eat pizza for a month or even maybe two. They ate so much of it the night before that Dallon was actually surprised he didn’t throw up. His stomach did hurt though.

He drank two glasses of water and took another shower, because he still felt like he smelled of alcohol and that was the last thing he wanted his kids to feel on him. He made a promise to himself a long time ago. He would never let his children see him drunk. He was never going to be like Gerard’s father.

Andy was drinking for as long as he knew the Ways. He remembered Andy could even get violent in that state, it didn’t take long for El to divorce him, but still it took a lot of them all. Mikey fortunately didn’t remember a lot, but Gerard did. Andy was especially mean and violent towards him. Gerard never was as manly as Andy wanted him to be and for some reason he deserved a beating because of that.

Dallon shook his head like he wanted to throw the memories away. For a long time Gerard was too scared of having children, thinking he would be just like Andy. It took him four years to stop this irrational fear and nine month later Frank’s sister gave birth to their daughter. Dallon has never seen Gerard this happy.

He also tried to write, but the moment he sat down in front of the computer, his head was empty and he was out of ideas. Frustrated he left the room. Suddenly he heard his phone in the other room. He ran as fast as he could, but it was only a text from El, telling him she would be at his place in ten minutes. He sighed. Still nothing from Hazel. He decided to wait outside for El. She was supposed to drive Damian and Amilie home. He was glad he cleaned the house before they got there.

He didn’t wait long.

‘’Daddy!’’ Damien ran up to him as fast as he could. His little legs tangled a few times and he almost fell, which gave Dallon like five heart attacks in a minute. The wind was blowing quite strong, so that definitely wasn’t helpful considering how little Damien weighted. Dallon kneeled and opened his arms for the boy. It was just one day, but he missed his children already. He didn’t know how Hazel did that.

He saw El a few meters behind with Hulk on the leash. She smiled and waved at him.

‘’Hi, buddy! I missed you.’’ He kissed the top of Damian’s head, who made a face, but didn’t complain more. Damien never liked receiving kisses for some unknown reason. Dallon obviously didn’t care much. Damien’s little hands went around Dallon’s neck.

‘’Granny Elly made us cake! Strawberry cake, dad! Strawberry!’’ he shouted excitedly into his ear and Dallon winced. When he wanted, Damian could be very loud. He also had no idea that screaming into someone’s ear was painful.

Dallon only smiled and hugged him tighter. He missed him so much after just a day. How could Hazel do that? Really, how? Not seeing her children for so long. He really couldn’t understand that. For him, spending time with Amilie and Damien were the best parts of a day.

El got to them a few moments later and Dallon felt Hulk nudge at his leg.

‘’Really? Wow. Was it good?’’ Dallon gasped theatrically and opened his eyes widely. Damian nodded energetically and Donna chuckled quietly.

‘’So good. I ate so much my tummy hurt!’’

‘’How’re you feeling?’’ She asked quietly. Dallon made a face and she nodded giving him the ‘we’ll talk later’ look. He didn’t have to say anything, she knew him well enough. After Dallon’s mother died, when he was sixteen, he lived with Gerard and his parents for about four years. Donna was like a mother to him, and she definitely treated him like a son as well. He remembered all those times he came home a little too drunk with Gerard and she knew immediately. The guittripping was strong with her at the time. So strong, in fact, that Dallon still felt it to this day.

‘’Where’s Amilie?’’ he asked as soon as he remembered he had another child.

‘’Oh, I drove her to school before.’’

‘’Thank you.’’ Dallon sighed in relief. He was a little scared to confront her. He knew she would be angry, maybe a little at him too, but mostly at Hazel. He wasn’t really ready for it. He would probably cry the moment she would look at him with disappointment. It was his fault Hazel left. He could have done something, say something. Anything. Fuck his stupid pride. Maybe this time, if he weren’t such a big asshole, she would actually change her mind and they could do something about the whole situation. Dallon just wanted everything to be alright.

He tried calling Hazel a few more times, but she rejected all the calls and never answered his texts.

‘’It’s nothing, really. I remember how you and Gerard were lazy in the mornings. Amilie is fortunately nothing like that.’’

‘’It wasn’t that bad…’’ El just looked at him and Dallon sighed. ‘’Yeah, okay, it was.’’

‘’You hear that Damien? Your daddy was a lazy giant.’’ Damian laughed and Dallon tickled his sides. They went inside the house and to the kitchen. Damien hugged Dallon and El quickly for the last time and ran to his room with Hulk. Dallon was a little shocked that Damien willingly hugged someone. He decided to write the date down in his journal. Damien was usually too cool for the old people, and for him it was everyone besides Amilie.

‘’Coffee?’’ Dallon asked when El sat on the chair.

‘’Yes, please. Lulu was waking me up every two hours. If I’d known you all would frame me into babysitting these three I would get some help.’’

‘’Sorry. I remember when Damian and Amilie were waking us up like that. Sometimes it was so hard to go check on them.’’ He laughed at the memories. Those long nights when Amilie was crying so loud, his neighbours were knocking on their doors because even they couldn’t sleep. He remember that actually he was the one walking into Amilie’s room when she was crying. Same with Damian. Why was he the one doing all of this?

Dallon frowned. He just now started seeing Hazel in a different light. He wasn’t entirely sure he wanted to.

‘’Mikey was the worst of them all. I was so sure that after Gerard having another kid would be a piece of cake.’’ She sighed and fixed her glasses on her nose. ‘’Each time he woke up alone, he would scream until someone went to him. In the end we had to put him in our room.’’

Dallon could see that. If there was something the Ways had in common, it was being a drama queen. And Mikey was the biggest.

‘’Gerard told me what happened. I’m really sorry, Dally.’’ She said softly. There was something in her voice, it was making him feel better, not so alone in it.

‘’It’s not that bad. I mean, she’s not answering my calls… but… we’ll work things out.’’ He didn’t even sound convincing for himself.

‘’Dallon, are you sure…Are you happy?’’

It was like a strong kick in his chest. Was he happy? He had a great job, two amazing children… and Hazel. His life was good, why wouldn’t he be happy? So many people wanted to have a life like that, how could he not be happy? How could he be so ungrateful?

But every time he thought about that, there was this tiny voice in his head telling him that no, he was not happy. Not in the fullest, not enough. The voice was telling that there was something wrong, that he should do something about that thing, but Dallon always tried to ignore it. He never wanted to think about what that thing could be. He was simply too afraid.

‘’I… I don’t know. We’ll work it out, me and Hazel. We will.’’

Dallon forced himself not to look at her. He knew, deep inside, that he wasn’t so sure about this. He wasn’t sure they could work it out, but he never wanted to believe in that. He also knew that neither Gerard and Frank nor El believed in his marriage. But him and Hazel will work things out, he told himself. They had to, for the sake of their children. Because in the end Amilie and Damien were the only ones Dallon was thinking about.

\

~~.~~

 

Dallon was ten minutes early for the meeting with Brendon. He decided that he needed that time to calm down and relax.

Count to ten, process the information, repeat.

He was having coffee with Brendon.

He was seeing him outside of school, and that was a whole new level to their whatever it was. Dallon didn’t even knew what he wanted it to be. He just knew he wanted to have Brendon close. Especially now. Somehow, he just wanted to forget about his life for a moment. He felt like Brendon’s smile was his comfort blanket.

‘’Hi! What can I get you?’’ asked the girl standing behind the counter. She couldn’t be more than twenty-five, although she looked really mature. Must have been the cheekbones and short hair. She had Ashley written on the nametag. The uniform she was wearing was quite funny, the black shirt said: a yawn is a silent scream for coffee. Dallon could definitely relate to that. He made a mental note to take Gerard here one day. The older Way loved coffee.

The girl, Ashley, was smiling kindly at Dallon.

‘’Black coffee, no sugar, please.’’ He smiled at her as well.

‘’To go?’’

‘’No, I’m waiting for someone.’’

Dallon sat on a sofa in the back with his black coffee. It was hot in his hands. He closed his eyes for a moment just to smell the warm drink. He loved the bitterness. After the first sip he decided to look around the café. Around that time there were quite a lot of people in there.

It was a nice place, not too big. The walls were light brown, with small darker patterns that reminded Dallon of coffee beans. There was a lot of pictures on them, too. Animals, funny coffee jokes and memes. He laughed at some of them, but couldn’t exactly understand some of the memes. Maybe he was just too old. Gerard would definitely love this place.

The furniture was made of dark wood. There were six round tables and in every corner there was a small sofa with a rectangular table. The chairs had cream coloured cushions on them and the tables were covered by cream tablecloths as well.

Rock music was playing on the radio. It wasn’t loud, just enough so people wouldn’t overhear each other. Dallon found himself humming to some of the songs.

Brendon wanted to see him here, said it was closer to his place. Dallon wondered how many times he was here. He was afraid they would run out of conversation topics. That it would get awkward or something like that. At some point he had a scenario in his head where Brendon choked on something and died.

‘’You’re deep in your thoughts again.’’  Dallon jumped a little when he heard Brendon’s voice. The younger man smiled at him a little and sat on the other side of the table after taking his coat off.  ‘’Were you thinking of killing another one of my favourite characters?’’  he teased.

Dallon grinned at that, remembering their last conversation.

‘’Depends on who’s your favourite,’’ he answered and took the last gulp of his coffee.

‘’Probably the dead one since you killed them all. And stop smiling. Murder isn’t a reason to smile. People might think you’re disturbed.’’ Dallon decided not to tell anything about his mother-in-law in that case. His mood suddenly spoiled. Helen reminded him of Hazel and that made him feel bad.

‘’How was your day?’’ He decided to change the topic, not to spoil Brendon’s mood as well.

‘’Same as usual. I’ll tell you more in a minute. I’m gonna get us some coffee.’’

Dallon wanted to argue that he already had his coffee, but Brendon was off too fast. Dallon didn’t even get the chance to open his mouth.

Brendon talked to the pretty barista girl while she was making their drinks. Ashley, Dallon remembered. They seemed to know each other, but if Brendon was at this place two or three times a week, Dallon wasn’t exactly surprised.

The surprising thing on the other hand was his sudden jealousy.

Dallon couldn’t help but frown when Brendon burst out laughing. They were both smiling at each other and Dallon felt a burning sensation in his stomach. He pursed his lips when Brendon leaned closer to her.

He couldn’t hear what they were talking about, but for some reason he felt the need to listen. Instead, he decided to take closer look at the girl. Brendon was standing so close to her, that she had to rise her head. When she saw Dallon looking at them, she smirked.

Dallon quickly looked down, embarrassed. He wasn’t sure what she might have thought about this incident. He knew for sure what he’d thought if he was her.

‘’Hals said you’re really handsome,’’ Brendon said, handing him the coffee. ‘’Also that you would look better as a girl. She wanted to know if you have a sister.’’

Dallon blinked a few times and Brendon snorted.

‘’She’s a lesbian. If you’d have a sister she would gladly date her. It’s those pretty lips.’’ Brendon indicated on his own lips.

Dallon felt stupid for feeling like that about that girl. Not only was she gay, but Brendon was also gay. What the hell was happening in his head? Why was he thinking they were flirting? Why was he feeling like that? So what if Brendon would be flirting with someone? Oh shit, what if Brendon had a boyfriend? Also, was Brendon flirting with him? He told Dallon he had pretty lips. People don’t just say that.

Get a grip you idiot, he thought to himself.

 ‘’You call that coffee?’’ he asked Brendon when he looked what was inside his cup. Brendon squinted his eyes.

‘’Yes, it’s called creamy caramel latte with whipped cream.’’

‘’It’s a dessert.’’

‘’Just try it, grump. It tastes amazing’’ Dallon did. He had to agree, but for him it was way too sweet.

‘’So… about your day?’’ Brendon looked at him carefully.

‘’Amilie was a bit sad today at school, I thought you should know,’’ he said, looking into Dallon’s eyes the whole time.

Fuck.

Shit.

Dallon laid his head on the table with a sigh.

‘’Shit.’’

‘’It wasn’t anything bad, I swear. She was just a little off today.’’

‘’Dammit.”

‘’Confession time. You get to be nosy but I do too. It’s only fair.’’ Dallon looked at him. Brendon had this little smile on his face that made Dallon want to give him his teenage diaries, to tell him his life story. He snorted at how ridiculous Brendon was making him act and feel.

‘‘I don’t know.’’

‘’Spill the beans, mr long legs.’’ Dallon sighed. It was weird for him to talk about his wife with Brendon, he already felt like a cheater by simply seeing Brendon. He also wondered if Brendon had weird nicknames for everyone.

‘’I had a big fight with Hazel last night. She left without a goodbye.’’ Brendon frowned.

‘’I need more info on that.’’

He didn’t really want to tell him that much, but the moment he opened his mouth, he almost said everything in one breath. He told Brendon about Hazel’s work. About all the times he asked her to just move to Portland, so they all could be together, or for her to change her job. He told Brendon how sad Damien was every time she was leaving, how angry Amilie gets each time. How he sometimes thinks Hazel has someone there, how she doesn’t seem to be wanting to change anything, like that situation was convenient for her.

Brendon was listening to him the whole time, asking questions from time to time when he wasn’t sure of something. Dallon felt a little better. Brendon convinced him that he wasn’t the evil one in this.

‘’You know, I kinda miss a smile on your face,’’ he said suddenly.

Dallon froze for a moment, then blushed a little. His heart started beating faster and he felt stupid because of it. He scratched the back of his neck, looking down. Brendon was making him shy, embarrassed.

‘’I… I was told my smile is creepy,’’ he said just to say something. He really didn’t wanted an awkward silence. Not after what Brendon said. Dallon looked at him. Brendon’s eyes were on him the whole time. He felt the need to hide, like Brendon could see right through him.

‘’It’s not. It’s a nice smile. Tell me about the time you’ve been in a band.’’

Yes, change the subject. Please.

Dallon already had troubles with breathing. This was so stupid and obvious. Brendon must have seen the effect he had on Dallon. There was no other way.

‘’It was in high school. I feel in love with the whole idea of being in a famous rock band. Though our music was more like indie rock. We named ourselves Rebellious Ghosts, we thought we were cool. ‘’

‘’Ah, let me guess. You were not.’’ Dallon laughed at the memory. It was a long time since he last thought about it. They all thought they were so cool back then, in was ridiculous. He started to wonder what the other guys from the band were doing now. He hadn’t really been keeping in touch with his high school friends.

‘’Nope. We didn’t even have a singer so we were just screaming really badly the whole time.’’ Brendon chuckled.

‘’Man, that’s the spirit of punk.’’

‘’We weren’t cool enough to be punk, Brendon. We were nerds. Like, Doctor Who nerds, Star Wars nerds who got way too excited over the Imperial March.’’

‘’I know what you mean. My band wasn’t cool either. We had weird make-up and all that. Just… yellow eye shadow, man. I still have photos. And i have a small Death Star tattoo on my leg. Nerd alert.’’

They talked about music for a while, then moved on to the movies. Dallon spent a few seconds on thinking about Brendon in makeup. Were they talking about eyeliner? Lipstick? Or something much different? Dallon didn’t know how he felt about it.

‘’You can’t be serious!’’ Brendon said with wide eyes. He was looking at Dallon with mixture of shock and disgust.

‘’What?’’ Asked the older man. ‘’Back to the Future III is the best one,’’ he stated. Brendon looked personally offended. Dallon raised an eyebrow.

‘’Um. No, it’s not. What the hell? It’s not even good.’’ Dallon opened his mouth to argue, but Brendon was faster. He pointed a finger at him like he was accusing him of something. ‘’Don’t tell me you also think the Star Wars prequels were good.’’ Dallon made a face.

‘’They’re not that bad.’’ He said quietly and Brendon threw his hands up.

‘’Oh my god. What the fuck? For a writer you have a pretty shitty taste in movies. I need more coffee for that. And therapy.’’

Brendon stood up and for a brief moment Dallon honestly thought that he was going to leave, but Brendon only took their empty cups and smiled. Dallon shock his head.

‘’You’re a drama queen.’’ Brendon gasped loudly.

‘’What? Me? Never.’’

Before Dallon could say anything, he went to Ashley for a refill. For some reason they both looked at Dallon for a moment, then Brendon shook his head with a frown. He tapped his ring finger on the cup and she nodded, looking at Dallon again.

What?

Was Dallon missing something? What was that about?

Before Brendon came back, Hazel was in his mind again. He frowned and sighed. He decided to call her again after going home.

‘’Oh, I know that face. What is it this time?’’ Another coffee was in front of his face, Brendon was looking at him with a small smile. His eyes were softer than usual and Dallon was sure he was hypnotizing him.

‘’Uh, Hazel. Still.’’ He couldn’t even look into his eyes while talking about her.

‘’How do you feel? For real how. I know you’re worried about your children, but you can’t forget about yourself.’’

‘’I… I don’t know. I want her to be here for Amilie and Damien.’’ Brendon sighed and sat down on the same couch as Dallon. He nudged his arm, trying to get Dallon to smile.

‘’Still not thinking of yourself, Dallon. It’s allowed. You can think of yourself, you can be selfish sometimes. You should, even.’’

‘’Maybe… Can we talk about something else?’’

‘’Yes, sorry. Would you like to share some more of your shitty movie opinions?’’ He grinned.

‘’Are you trying to start a war?’’

‘’Yes, star war.’’

‘’Oh my god.’’

 

~~.~~

 

Dallon had spent more time with Brendon than he initially planned. He wanted to be home a little past seven, but in the end he came over an hour later. He completely lost track of time. He had so much fun with Brendon it almost seemed vile. The last time he had this much fun was almost a year ago during his birthday. Gerard and Frank took him to a gay bar and got drunk just on the free beers they got from other men. Dallon came home with four phone numbers, Gerard had fifteen (the mini skirt was marvellous and did wonders) and Frank never told them how many he got. They both guessed it was around ten.

Dallon had no idea how much he needed to loosen up, actually. Simply to laugh with someone at the stupidest things, which he did a lot with Brendon. For those two hours all his problems seemed to lessen, like they’d never been this big and could be solved during a single night. He felt ten years younger without his worries, even if for so little time.

Dallon really couldn’t help not to stare at Brendon from time to time. The need was stronger than his will and Brendon was simply too beautiful not to look at. Dallon wondered for a while when the last time was that he felt like this while looking at his wife. He found himself not being able to remember. Was it all the way back in high school? Was it so long ago? Was it ever?

When Brendon laughed really hard his face did that squishy thing when his eyes seemed smaller and his smile looked so big that it could cover his whole face. He also had such an adorable laugh. Dallon felt warmth spread inside of him because of that. God, how much he wanted to touch him. Just hold his hand, nothing big. Just hold hands for a minute, while making him laugh exactly like that. Big, loud and high-pitched. With that loud outburst of piercing laughter that made people look around.

Dallon’s hands were itching on the table, close to Brendon’s, so he had to occupy them with something. He was playing with his mug or his fingers, not to overstep the invisible line he drew himself.

Dallon also learned that when Brendon got really excited, he was moving his hands quite a lot. It was pretty funny when he almost knocked his mug over. He also made a cute face when that happened and Dallon couldn’t help but called him adorable. Brendon looked quite confused and surprised. Dallon quickly changed the topic. The rest of the evening went on without any more incidents. They just talked about stupid things for over two hours and that was the best two hours Dallon had in weeks. He felt relaxed and light. Like Brendon was some sort of strange stress relief.

He learned that Brendon couldn’t cook too well. That he once fell asleep while making pasta and the next thing he knew his kitchen was on fire. Dallon laughed, he couldn’t really imagine Brendon panicking trying to take down the fire, but he only saw him relaxed and full of joy. He wanted to see him mad and sad, he wanted to see him cry and be the one to calm him down. Was this selfish? He felt like it was. Also quite sadistic.

He told himself there was nothing wrong with wanting to see every emotion on Brendon. It wasn’t like he would take pleasure in seeing him upset. It seemed intimate and Dallon found himself wanting to share intimate moments with the younger man.

A stupid image of Brendon dressed as a fire-fighter appeared in his mind suddenly. Dallon really didn’t know how to feel about that. He wanted to laugh at himself. Was he really getting so horny and desperate? Before, the months without sex didn’t even cross his mind, but after that conversation he had with Frank and Gerard, he couldn’t stop thinking about that.

How exactly did that happen? Was he too busy to even think about having sex? Was he even trying to do it in those past months? Was Hazel trying? How come he didn’t miss it? Did they just forget? Is it possible to forget about sex?

Sex with his wife was good. It wasn’t anything special or spectacular, but he liked it. They never really tried new things, but Dallon didn’t mind it that much. Were they having issues because of their sex life? It couldn’t be something so… seemingly shallow. Problems in bed were usually a result of something, not the cause.

Apparently that semi-regular sex he thought he was having was non-existent.

Another thing he found out about Brendon was his love for old music, the 40/50s specifically. Frank Sinatra mostly, but also Dean Martin and Louis Armstrong. For some reason it suited Brendon a lot. He couldn’t really understand why, but he could see Brendon in one of those Sy Devore vintage suits with a fancy fedora, a bowtie and a long jacket. Brendon told him about his assembly of vinyl music albums which he collected since he was fifteen. He suggested Dallon should see them someday. Dallon felt too excited for his own good about the possibility of going over to Brendon’s house.

Brendon apparently could ride a horse, too. Dallon’s mind went dark places. His old weird fantasies of cowboys in flannel shirts and with the typical cowboy hats on a horse suddenly came back and his cheeks reddened. This was why he never watched westerns again during his teenage years. How come he just remembered this now? Was it some repressed memory or what?

Brendon also showed him his tattoos. Finally, the tiny part of the mystery that he was, was revealed to him. Dallon liked the flower one on his elbow the most. He laughed when he saw a big tattoo of Frank Sinatra’s face.

He traced the ink on Brendon’s arm with his fingers. His skin was so soft. He couldn’t look into the younger man’s eyes while doing so. It felt dangerous. It was. He knew he was sending some sort of signals to Brendon, he couldn’t help it. Well, he could, but he really didn’t wanted to. He told himself he could do that as long as it doesn’t get to intimate. He was lying to himself. He also knew that. It already was intimate and he loved every second.

What was wrong with him? Why couldn’t he stop? Why the hell was he digging his own grave so willingly? It was wrong and unfair. Unfair for him, for Brendon, for Hazel, for his children. He couldn’t stop. He wanted it too much. For the first time in years he wanted to be selfish. It felt like a weird revolution. He decided to be more selfish in the future. Was it good? It felt good. Somehow, he felt like a villain.

After he came home, he took Amilie and Damian for a walk with Hulk to the nearest park. He didn’t wanted to stay at home and do nothing for the rest of the day. He knew he wouldn’t be able to focus on work or anything productive. He would just ponder over the meaning of life or lose himself for hours in conspiracy theories. Which was never good for anyone.

Amilie would probably binge watch the new Voltron series or Supernatural, and Damian would be hiding in the base they made a few months earlier in the corner of his room. Dallon was, in fact, pretty proud of that base. They used every big pillow they had in their house (also stole two or three from Gerard and Frank) and two big blankets. They put Christmas lights inside and a really fluffy rug. Dallon was too big to fit in it completely, so he always felt like something would drag him off by his legs. He was also told it’s a common irrational fear by Frank.

He simply didn’t feel like staying at home that evening. Especially not with Hazel leaving just like that. They all were tense and this much was obvious. The whole house seemed to be soaking in this dreadful and irritating feeling. She just left. Was she coming back? When? Did he want her to come back? Of course, but did he really?

Dallon felt a little angry every time he thought about their fight. There were so many other ways it could have been avoided completely. Why couldn’t they have a normal mature conversation? They should be able to have one, considering they were both adults and not children anymore. It wasn’t just about Dallon and Hazel after all. The ones who were the most harmed were their kids. Amilie and Damien. And Dallon hated himself a little more each time he hurt them.

He really didn’t wanted to overthink the situation but his head was already a big mess. He felt so conflicted like never before in his life. He wanted Brendon like he used to want Hazel, maybe even more. But it wasn’t all sexual, it was so much more than just that. He could barely stop himself from touching Brendon and he knew his will won’t last long.

But he couldn’t cheat on his wife. No. He needed to be sure about his feelings for both of them. He knew this was something more than just a crush. This was too intense to be just a stupid crush. Simply by shaking Brendon’s hand he felt more than by kissing Hazel for those last few years.

Was he really considering divorce as a possibility? Was it because of Brendon? Was it his midlife crisis? Was he really thinking about cheating? Or was it because the feelings he had for Brendon forced him to think about his life more? What exactly would he do after making sure about his feelings? A few hours earlier he would yell at anyone even remotely suggesting divorcing Hazel, but now…

How could he feel so strongly about someone he barely knew?

He knew he’s gonna have to talk with Gerard and Frank about this. He was scared to tell them about Brendon, but he had to. He needed their opinions more than anything. They were his emotional support over the years. He knew what they’ll tell him about Hazel, they never seemed to like her much. And Gerard had been mentioning a divorce for over three years now. Had their relationship been dead for so long? Longer? Would they be able to fix it? Did he even wanted to fix it? He felt like it was what he was supposed to do, but somehow he felt uneasy thinking about that. Sometimes things shouldn’t be fixed. Was his marriage one of those things?

None of them talked about Hazel on the way to the park, like she was suddenly some kind of taboo topic, but Dallon knew that they all thought of her.

Damian was quieter than usual and he didn’t seem to be excited to go on a walk with Hulk like he always was. He wasn’t pointing his fingers at other dogs, he wasn’t talking about his favourite superhero either. He was just silently holding Amilie’s hand as they walked, asking about something from time to time. Amilie also seemed more spaced out and that was worrying Dallon. He wanted to cheer them up, but didn’t know what to do. Was it even possible to cheer them up in this situation?

It probably wasn’t the greatest idea to eat ice cream in such a windy weather, but he decided that they deserved some (he also bought some vitamin C just in case). They hid behind the trees and sat on the bench. Hulk was running around happily with some other dog, barking from time to time to draw their attention on himself. Damian was sitting on Dallon’s lap and Amilie was on his side, leaning into his shoulder. He felt relaxed like that, he had his family with him and suddenly everything seemed better.

‘’Hulk is better at making friends than we all,’’ Amilie said in a weird tone and Dallon frowned. He remembered what Brendon had said and a part of him hoped that her bad mood wasn’t because of Hazel. That it wasn’t something so serious. Something he could help with.

‘’You’re good at making friends, what are you talking about?” he asked and Amilie looked down. She wasn’t even eating her ice cream, while Damian had his face covered in it and Dallon had to clean him up every minute.

‘’Well… There’s this mean girl in my class and at first I thought she was cool and all, but she’s just mean and rude,” she said in a small voice. Dallon put his arm around her and hugged her. He knew how things like that could bring her down. ‘’And she’s not even trying to change or anything. She acts like she can do anything.”

Amilie was never good at opening herself to people, she was a little like he was at her age, so it was easier for him to understand her. They both seemed to not know what to say in favour of making friends. Shy kids living in their own imaginary worlds. He knew how hard it was to open up to the real world after hours spent inside. He felt a little guilty about that, too. She had that from him after all. He knew it was going to be hard for her in the future. He was ready to do everything to help either way.

‘’So she doesn’t deserve to have such a cool friend like you,’’ he said and he meant it. Of course he did. Amilie was smart, talented and nice to everyone. Also she was his daughter, so favouritism, obviously.

‘’You think?’’ she asked, unsure. It hurt him to see her so insecure.

‘’Yes, what about you, little Beasty?’’ he nudged the boy with his arm a little. ’’Don’t you think your sister is cool?’’

‘’The coolest!” Damian screamed and some of ice-cream fell on the ground.

“See? Damian always tells the truth. Honestly, don’t let that girl get you down. If anything, you should feel bad for her. Imagine how her parents must have been acting if she’s the way she is.” Amilie frowned, she thought about this for a while.

‘’That’s… kinda sad.”

‘’She will open her eyes someday, or not. That’s just how it is sometimes.’’ It wasn’t really reassuring, but when Amilie was born, Dallon promised himself not to make things look better than they were. He didn’t want her, nor Damian to be disappointed later in life by the smallest things. He wanted his children to be realistic and understanding.

It did took a few fights with Hazel and her mother. The whole raising children thing.

Helen wanted the kids to go with her to church every week. She was trying really hard to get religion into their heads. The thing was, Dallon never had any bigger issues with religion. People sometimes needed to believe in something to explain their pain, or how the world worked, to give life a bigger meaning. He wasn’t opposed to it. He just hated when people treated their religion like the only right way in life or like an excuse to hate, and that was exactly how Helen was.

Next fight was about Santa. Hazel, for some reason, wanted Dallon to dress in red and put on a long grey beard. He could understand why some people like the whole concept, but to him, it just seemed unnecessary. It the end it was Amilie who ended the argument by saying that Santa was just a story.

The worst one, so far, was about sexuality and gender identity. Helen was red from anger and frustration. The moment Dallon told Amilie about girls being actually boys, she looked like she might have been having a stroke. Some small part of him wanted her to actually have one.

He wouldn’t care if Amilie or Damien were gay, bi or trans, he would wear a fucking rainbow flag like a cape and run around the city naked. All he wanted for his children was happiness. It didn’t matter for him who they’ll be in the future. He just wanted them to be happy.

‘’How was school today?’’ he asked.

‘’As boring as usual. I had lunch with Dustin and Clary.’’ Amilie lowered her voice a little and blushed. Oh god no. ‘’We talked about music. Clary thinks Harry is the best looking one, but it’s obviously Niall. Dustin looks a bit like Niall.’’

Dallon looked at her terrified. He took a deep breath. This was happening, he knew it would happen eventually, but not so soon. Especially with everything going on now. Just why. He’s gonna go grey faster that his grandfather did, and he fought in war. Or worse – bald. He unconsciously touched his hairline.

‘’Dustin… is this a boy you-‘’ Amilie blushed harder. His deepest fears now a reality.

‘’Dad!’’ she squeaked embarrassed.

Just keep it cool, Dallon. You don’t want to be that kind of dad that doesn’t allow his daughters out of the house just because they want to date boys or date in general.

‘’What? I should know this kind of stuff.’’ He tried to keep his voice as calm as he could, but there was still some tension. Amilie was so embarrassed she wasn’t even looking up, instead she was playing with her phone, whole face red. This was really happening. Wow. What a way to make him not worry about his marriage and instead worry about his daughter getting older.

‘’He’s nice,’’ she whispered. Damian suddenly stopped looking at Hulk and looked at Amilie with a frown. His ice-cream long forgotten.

‘’Just nice?’’ Dallon asked and Amilie sighed.

‘’Dad.’’

‘’Okay, fine, I give up, but you can always talk to me about this stuff.’’

‘’Amilie and Dustin… sitting on tree-‘’ sang Damian.

‘’Shut up,’’ Amilie said laughing, she poked Damian with her finger a few times.

‘’Should I emotionally prepare for your first date? You’ll be thirteen in a few weeks.’’ Thirteen. The things he did (wanted to do, watched other people do, told people he did to be cool) at thirteen. Jesus. He wanted Amilie to stay his little girl forever, but he knew it was impossible.

‘’And when did you had your first date?’’ she asked teasingly. Dallon didn’t even need to think. He remember the exact day of his first date. It was with Hazel and they went to an old retro car cinema. They made out on the backseat instead of watching the movie.

‘’I was fifteen,’’ Amilie hummed. She was quiet for a while, like she was thinking whether she should say something or not. Dallon waited. He didn’t wanted to push her into saying something she wasn’t comfortable sharing with him, but who else would she talk with about that? Frank? Gerard? Because surely it would never be Hazel. Not with how angry Amilie was at her. He knew there will be things in the future his children won’t like to talk about with him or with any adult, but he hoped it wasn’t that yet. He still had so much to teach them.

‘’Dustin kissed my cheek a few days ago.’’ Dallon’s heart skipped a beat.

‘’Wait what?’’

‘’Yeah…’’

‘’Oh my god, I’m not ready for that,’’ he said mostly to himself. It wasn’t that it was just Amilie growing up. It also meant that he, Dallon, was getting old. He already had wrinkles. They were especially visible when he was smiling. In five months he’d be closer to forty than thirty. Shit. Wow. Why?

‘’Dad, you’re so dramatic sometimes.’’

‘’My little girl is going to have her first boyfriend,’’ he said. It sounded so weird and alien. Unwelcome.

‘’How old were you when you had your first kiss, anyway?’’

‘’Well, my first kiss was with uncle Gerard and we were both eleven.’’ He laughed at the memory. Him and Gerard were upset that most boys from their class were talking about kissing (while never being kissed by anyone, but Gerard and Dallon were lame, so they believed when other boys told them so) and they decided to kiss each other. It wasn’t anything special. No fireworks exploded. Nothing. They were disappointed for years after that.

‘’Does uncle Frank know?’’ Amilie asked, teasing again. Dallon hoped her mood was a little better.

‘’Of course,’’ he confirmed. “I was the best man on their wedding, so the kiss part was in my speech.’’ To be honest he wasn’t so sure about this. He remember it was planned to be a part of the speech, but before they got to that part of the wedding, Dallon was already drunk off his ass. He could as well talk about mating rituals of rhinos or something like that. He made a mental note to watch the video of their wedding later.

‘’Mr. Urie gave me another book today,’’ Amilie said after a while. Dallon felt weirdly warm at the mention of him. He couldn’t understand the thing he had going on for Brendon, but decided to do nothing about this for now. His life was already quite a mess at the moment with Hazel. He didn’t need more confusion, he had to figure it out with his wife. That was priority. He needed to know what he wanted from his life, without thinking about Brendon. It was him and Hazel and what he wanted to do in the future. Did he see himself being married to her in the next years? Did he want to?

‘’Oh, really? What book?’’ he asked, when Amilie looked at him, waiting. He wondered if Brendon was giving books to other kids too. Somehow, he doubted that.

‘’The Prince of Mist. He said I’ll definitely like it, because it’s quite scary, has great mystery in it and is easy to read.’’ Dallon smiled at that. Somehow the thought of Brendon knowing about what his children liked made him feel good. Did Hazel know what kind of books Amilie liked? Even thinking about the possibility she didn’t made him feel bitter.

‘’Have you started reading it?’’ he asked. He was going to ask Hazel about this next time. For some reason, he felt like the answer would be something big, life-changing.

‘’Yup. I love it. I need more books by this author.’’

‘’We can order them online tomorrow.’’ Amilie smiled broadly. Her eyes sparkled and Dallon felt a smile tugging at his lips.

‘’Really?!’’ she asked excited. Honestly it was making his heart grow bigger, how enthusiastic she was about books.

‘’Sure.’’

‘’Thank you!’’

‘’You know I support the idea of reading books. We can always buy you a fancy journal and maybe you’ll write something in it.’’ She snorted.

‘’Like what?’’

‘’Anything. A diary, a short story, a song, a poem, even . Or you can draw in it. See what you’ll like the most.’’ He imagined what Helen would think of this idea (now let’s all agree, to never be creative again). He wanted to laugh because of that.

‘’That’s a cool idea, dad.’’

‘’Sometimes, on rare occasions, I have cool ideas.’’

‘’Really rare.’’ Dallon snorted. Amilie came back to the smartass mode and that actually made him happy for the first time ever.

‘’Thank you, my beloved daughter. I can always count on you to tell the truth in the most unwanted moments.’’

‘’Right? I’m awesome.’’

‘’The best.’’

‘’Thank you, father dear.’’

‘’You can always write love letters to that Dustin.’’

‘’Dad!’’

‘’Dad? Can we go home? I’m cold,’’ Damien said after a while. Dallon wrapped his scarf around Damien, forced Amilie into wearing his beanie and they went home. Not even Hulk complained.

He spent almost the whole way home thinking about Hazel. She was familiar to him. She was someone he knew for a long time and got used to so much, he couldn't imagine a week without her. She was someone he relied on for so long, someone he loved. Or supposed to love. Somehow, it felt different now. When was the last time they talked? He couldn't remember when was the last time they had a heart to heart conversation. He hated small talk. They seemed to have only those these days. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brendon smells like weed #confirmed.  
> The tall Jared - Jared Padalecki, coz i'm a Supernatural nerd. And wouldn't it be cool if Dallon knew him?  
> Title: X Ambassadors - Unsteady, the song and music video is art  
> So i think i'm finally on the right way with this fic, but who tf knows with me, right?  
> I also get a lady boner when i hear the Imperial March.


	3. Of everything that stands, the end No safety or surprise, the end

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So it took me shitton of time.  
> Sorry it's short, but i really wanted to post it already.  
> I'm not dead yet, hello  
> Title from The Doors - The End

‘’Hazel? What are you doing here?” he asked, shocked. She was the last person he expected to see inside their house. Literally he wouldn’t be so shocked to see green aliens sitting on his sofa, reading his teenage diaries and drinking tea from his loser cup.

But there she was, looking tired and drained. Her hair was a mess, she had no makeup on and her clothes weren’t as neat as always. Dallon frowned, she looked as if she hadn’t slept that night. It was her working day, so it was even more surprising.

She must have been at work that day so why did she look like she wasn’t? She always made her hair and makeup to work. She loved looking like a cold classy lady. And she must have been at work, she was working even when she was sick. The last time she missed a day at work was when she was pregnant with Damien before she got her maternity leave.

‘’Mom!” Damian screamed, his eyes wide in surprise. He run to her with a big smile, but suddenly stopped in the middle. He looked at Amilie, like he was asking her for permission, but Amilie wasn’t looking at her younger brother. She was giving Hazel the coldest look she could muster. Dallon had never seen her like that. She was looking at Hazel like she was some disgusting worm. Damien took a few steps back, still looking at his sister.

Without a word Amilie took Damian’s hand in hers and took him and Hulk to her room. They only heard a loud door slam.

‘’I probably deserved that,’’ Hazel said with a sigh of defeat. Dallon’s first instinct was to argue that no, Amilie was rude and she should apologize, but they both knew she had every reason to be angry with Hazel. For some reason he felt proud of her deep down. ‘’I definitely deserved that.’’

‘’Weren’t you supposed to be working?’’ Dallon asked. He didn’t mean for it to sound so… mean, but it did. He wasn’t particularly sorry for that anyway. His anger came back and he had to try really hard not to let it out. He didn’t want to regret something later.

‘’I realized that what I did was really immature. I came here to make it up to all of you.’’

‘’Oh, well. That’s unexpected.’’ He tried to keep his voice calm, but couldn’t. He tasted the bitterness on his tongue. Hazel tapped the place next to her and Dallon sat down. Were they going to talk? Were they going to argue? Were they going to do anything to fix it? Did he want to? He was tired. Tired of fighting for Hazel. Tired of fighting for them. Tired of fighting instead of her.

‘’I’m sorry I haven’t answered your calls. I felt… embarrassed and stupid.‘’ She gave him an apologetic smile, but he couldn’t even look at her. He hid his face in his hands and took a deep breath. He counted to ten.

‘’And did you think about how I felt? How they felt?’’ She sighed.

‘’I’ve made a mistake and I’m trying to make it right.’’ Her voice was suddenly sharp. Dallon looked at her with a frown. Apologies were always hard for her, but it was a great time to give up her pride and actually prove she means it. ‘’I’ll talk to Amilie and Damian first, then.’’ Dallon snorted. It’ll take much more than just a stupid talk that won’t probably mean a lot.

‘’She’s really angry with you,” he said instead.

‘’Yes, I saw,’’ she said sharply. ’’Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap at you. I just don’t know what to do.’’

‘’You can start with apologizing to them. That usually works. Not doing this again might be a good idea, too. But that’s only a suggestion. What do I know, right? I only spent as much time as I can with them.’’ It was quiet after that for a moment. Dallon could hear his own heartbeat. He realized what he said was awful, but he didn’t apologize.

‘’Are you still mad at me?’’ Hazel asked quietly after a while.

‘’Yes. And I think I’m mad at us, too. You and me. We could have handle it better. We should have. For Amilie and Damien. We’re not teenager anymore, Hazel. What we do hurts them.’’

‘’I need to go back tomorrow. But I’ll try to make it up to you. All of you.’’ He found himself not believing. They were going in circles again and again. She was leaving the next day, what did she wanted to accomplish in only few hours?

Hazel went to Amilie’s room and he sighed. He was too tired to go there with her, he would probably do the apologizing part for her like always anyway. It was something she should do herself. It took him a long time to realize that. He wasn’t responsible for Hazel and her mistakes. He didn’t want to be. It was all up to her to fix.

He took a long shower and went to bed. Hazel came to him an hour later. Having sex with his wife felt wrong for the first time ever.

 

~~.~~

 

He couldn’t sleep that night.

Every minute seemed to least impossibly long and Dallon was getting more and more irritated with every second. His skin was practically itching with this feeling. If it weren’t for Hazel sleeping so close to him, he would toss around in bed, huffing and throwing his limbs in every direction out of frustration like some octopus giraffe hybrid. He realised it wasn’t quite what one could expect from an adult man, but he knew he wasn’t as mature as he should at this point in life. H never really matured like he should. Maybe it was the reason for every problem he had.

 Hazel was sleeping quietly next to him, with her hand across his chest and her head on his arm. Just like she always was. For the first time it felt incredibly uncomfortable for him. He wanted to move his hand so badly his fingers were twitching. He wanted to turn on his side, because his back felt too hot. He wanted to push the covers away, because he felt his feet begun to sweat. He wanted to kick the bed in frustration. Instead, he kept on lying motionless, because waking her up was the last thing on top of his list.

He looked at Hazel with a sigh. His wife. Someone he promised to love forever, be with till the end of time and adore for eternity _. The one._ Was she really it? If so, what was wrong with him for stopping feeling like this about her?  She was still the same woman he fell in love with all those years ago, but she was different now. He was different, too. They must have grew apart. He didn’t know it could happen with two people who were seemingly so close to each other. She was still his friend, he still loved her in a way, but it all seemed wrong. Being with her like that seemed wrong for the first time.

He started to think about their marriage. He realised just now how often they were fighting. About anything really. About plates in the wrong place, leaving the empty box of milk in the fridge and even more. Dallon found himself not remembering when was the last time he felt lightheaded while telling her he loved her. For the first time it seemed more like a habit than actual need to say those words. Their marriage seemed like a habit.

Dallon started to wonder if he was being honest with himself. Did he really loved her still? He couldn’t remember when was the last time he felt really excited or aroused. Suddenly his marriage seemed mechanic and empty. How long has this been going on? Was he this blind? Did she felt that too? Or was she also as blind as him?

Dallon had this feeling that she knew long before him. She was always more observant than he was. She was always smarter. More down to earth. She didn’t have her head in clouds like he did.

He dressed up quietly and left the bedroom. He closed himself in his little working room and turned on the computer. He decided to create a new character and put his former struggles into it.

How did that happen? Just eleven days ago he was sure his marriage was perfect, that his life was amazing and without any big issues. He felt like Brendon slapped some pink glasses from his face. Suddenly he was seeing Hazel differently. Not only Hazel. His whole life up to this moment.

He sat down on the chair and took a deep breath.

It’s been around seven years since Hazel started working in Portland, he wasn’t even sure why she took that offer. It came out of nowhere one day and he decided not to question it. One word from Hazel was enough. He realised how stupid he was back then. He remember offering to move there, but she never wanted to. It started with one day a week. They agreed that moving away would be a waste. He realised, they haven’t been the same ever since, and that he was holding onto those moments too dearly.

Suddenly, the door opened and Amilie stepped inside. He frowned and looked at the clock on the wall. 4am.

‘’Why are you up?’’ He asked, surprised. ‘’You have school in a few hours.’’ Amilie looked quite pale. Her eyes were a little red and puffy. Dallon started to worry.

‘’I couldn’t sleep. Damian kicked me a few times.’’

‘’He slept with you again?’’ She gave him a dirty look.

‘’He cried for half of the night, dad.’’

‘’I thought mom talked with both of you.’’

‘’Yeah, well…’’ She shrugged. ‘’It was a shit conversation.’’

‘’Hey!’’

‘’Language. I know.’’ Dallon sighed.

‘’I guess I can’t be mad at you. How are you feeling, sugar?’’ He could only guess the answer, but decided to ask her anyway. She sat on his desk with her head down.

‘’I’m pissed. And I guess… I’m a little sad about what mom did.’’

Shit.

‘’I… we had a big fight, it was my fault.’’ Amilie snorted bitterly.

‘’No it wasn’t, stop taking everything on yourself. You said it yourself, dad, fights happen. Her leaving was something totally different.’’

‘’Amilie…’’

‘’We have to talk about it! I know you don’t want to, I don’t want either, but mr Urie told me that if there’s something bothering me, I should talk about it with you.’’

‘’Okay, okay. You’re right. Mr. Urie is right’’

And so they talked for the rest of the night. Amilie broke Dallon’s heart with her words so many times he lost count. He realised he was so blind for all these years. Amilie suggested him herself a divorce. When did it got so bad she didn’t feel like she had a mother at all?

 

~~.~~

 

He drove Amilie and Damian to Gerard. He didn’t want them to be around the fight. And a fight definitely will happen. That he was sure of. He also texted Brendon that Amilie won’t go to school today and asked him if he had a free evening.

When he got home, Hazel was already up.

‘’We need to talk.’’ He said sharply. He was surprised his voice was so strong. Hazel seemed taken aback. She stopped in the middle of making a sandwich.

‘’Okay?’’

‘’What kind of books does Amilie like?’’ He asked. She gave him a confused look.

‘’What? What does It have to do with anything?’’

‘’Just answer, please.’’

‘’I don’t know, fantasy?’’

‘’Horror, she loves scary things.’’

‘’I don’t see your point.’’

‘’Everyone knows it, but not you. Even Brendon knows it.’’

‘’Why are you bringing her music teacher into this?’’

‘’The point is that you don’t even know your own daughter! You don’t know your own child, Hazel.’’ He saw in her eyes that it hit her hard. When he realised this, the night before, he cried. He cried for an hour after Amilie left his study room. He only hoped he could somehow fix it. Make his children one hundred percent happy.

‘’That’s not my fault!’’ She screamed. Dallon didn’t feel angry anymore. He felt sad and tired but above it all, determinated. He knew now what he was supposed to do.

‘’Whose, then?’’ He asked. ‘’Look, Hazel, we need to talk. Like actually talk. No lies, no anger, no pretending. It doesn’t work. Let’s sit. No hard feeling. Just a normal, honest conversation.’’ She nodded. They sat on the sofa. Hazel looked at her hands on her knees.

‘’Dallon, I tried. I really tried, but I just can’t. This, all of this, it was never for me. It never was something that I wanted and you know that. I’m sure you know. It didn’t change for me, Dal. I didn’t wanted kids, I never did.’’ He voice started to fade, it was almost a whisper. Dallon knew she was close to tears. ‘’But you did. And you convinced me not to have that fucking abortion. I love Amilie and Damien. I love them. I really do. But they never felt mine. And looking at you and them, it only reminds me what I could have instead.

He couldn’t fully blame her, could he? He did know, he just forced himself to believe she wanted the same thing he did. He was at fault too. They both were. Dallon for being a blind fool, and Hazel for never telling him the truth. He looked at her face covered in tears feeling his stomach sink to the floor.

‘’I’m sorry… I should have never assumed…’’ Assumed what? That after giving birth to Amilie her priorities changed? That her whole dream disappeared just because they had a kid? He spent too much time blaming her for everything, he forgot it’s impossible for him to be innocent. She wasn’t the villain. Neither was he. Dallon got a bitter reminder about the importance of communication. ‘’We should get divorced a long time ago.’’ He said. It got quiet after that. At this point Dallon felt numb. He didn’t know what to think. All this years…

‘’Getting married was a mistake. We were too young, too different. Too confused to know anything.’’

 ‘’I’m sorry. I’m sorry for putting things on you just because I thought that what I wanted was the same what you wanted. For not even considering that you needed something totally different than I did. We really need to have a normal conversation,’’ Hazel chuckled.

‘’I’d hate to break it to you, but nothing was ever normal with us.’’ They both laughed at that, Dallon felt some of the tension leave the room.

‘’Can I ask you something? And by all means, you can slap me for it, but I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Is Damien mine?’’ Hazel was quiet after that for a while. Dallon didn’t need to hear an answer. The silence was an answer by itself.

‘’No, he’s not. Not biologically.’’ He wasn’t surprised. It didn’t hit him like a brick in the face. He always somehow knew. He felt the need to say something after that.

‘’I’m still his dad.’’ He said softly. ‘’And I will be for as long as he needs me. But he think he deserves to know, not now, but when he’s older.’’

‘’I know.’’

‘’So… who?’’

‘’Mark Lambert.’’

‘’Huh. I mean… Asshole for screwing my wife. Does he know?’’

‘’He does, but he’s an asshole in general.’’

Dallon took a deep breath.

‘’I think I have a crush on Amilie’s teacher.’’


	4. You need to learn a little patience

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So!  
> I'm really happy with this chapter, if anyone would like to contact me for any reason (just to talk or anything) my tumblr is winchesterowaaa as well  
> Next chapter might not come out in a while, since i'm starting work again in a week and i have nothing more written for it yet  
> I don't know how divorces work in America, but let's just pretend they work fast   
> Either way, enjoy!

Hazel didn’t say anything for a solid minute that felt like forever and he begun to worry. Maybe he shouldn’t have said that? Not yet, maybe? But they were coming clean with everything so it seemed like a good idea. He knew from the very beginning that the first person that should know about Brendon was going to be Hazel one way or another. It just felt right this way.

They both had agreed on the fact that their marriage was a disaster probably since the beginning and the never-ending tension, that was there before, finally ended. Everything suddenly felt easier. The whole situation didn’t feel as serious as he initially thought. The air even seemed lighter. Yes, it definitely was going be hard to talk about this with Damien, but maybe it could, somehow, bring Hazel closer with him and Amilie? It would feel less like a burden for her. Obviously Dallon was going get custody over their kids, that wasn’t up to discussion and Dallon had a feeling Hazel was thinking the same thing. The dog was staying with him, too.

For the first time in a long time he thought to himself, and believed it fully, that everything was going to work out in the end. Not the way he thought it would in the beginning, but it didn’t mean it was a wrong solution. He felt relieved. Like someone just took the world from his hands. He didn’t realise before how stuck he was in this whole situation. Him and Hazel and Damian and Amilie. They all were stuck in this mess, but the mess was going to be fixed soon. He felt excited and a bit scared.

Dallon looked at Hazel stealthily. She looked as if she was trying to solve some hard mathematic problem in her head. She blinked a few times and finally, finally looked at him. He took a deep breath, getting ready for whatever was coming his way.

He imagined this conversation a few hundred times in his head before and it was never peaceful. His imagination was giving him the worst possible outcomes like knife fight or murder. It was stupid. He was ready for a fight, he was ready for a honest conversation. He felt like he matured more in a few hours than in the last few years.

‘’What? But they’re all old.’’ She said and Dallon frowned. That was true. Every female teacher in Amilie’s school was around fifty. Dallon forgot for a moment about this tiny little detail. That Brendon is a he and he has a dick. A dick Dallon would very much like to touch in near future. He made a face after he involuntary imagined himself with one of them.

‘’It’s a man.’’ He elucidated. He didn’t think it would go out that easily. He wasn’t ashamed or anything, but it was all new to him. Above all he was afraid of Hazel’s reaction for some reason. He cared about what she thought of him.

‘’What?! Since when?’’

‘’Since I met him. It wasn’t even that long ago, but it feels like forever. Before that I was stuck in my own imagination of our lives. I never thought a person could be so blind and yet here I am.’’ He said. Almost like he had this answer prepared before. To be fair he did, in a way. ‘’I think you deserve a whole story.’’

And he told her everything. Since the very beginning. Not only about Brendon, but also about how delusional he was for the last couple of years, how he opened his eyes. He again apologised her, too. As a kid and a teenager he was closing himself in his own imagination from the world, it’s problems and issues. He became blind for things that weren’t the way he’d like them to be. Hazel didn’t stop him, just waited till he finished the story to ask questions and she had them a lot. Dallon wasn’t a good storyteller under pression. He sometimes forgot what he was saying in the middle of a sentence.

‘’Thank you for not judging me.’’ He said in the end. She gave him a strange look and shook her head. A strand of curly hair feel on her face. He resisted the urge to fix it.

‘’I think I’m the last person who has the right to do that, Dallon.’’ She looked up. ‘’After all that’s happened, most of which is my fault. I have no right to judge you for how you feel, for what you wanted to do or did.’’ Dallon has never seen her so apologetic. Sure, she was apologising pretty often, but it never felt real and honest. Like all those empty promises she made. He didn’t know what to say.

‘’That’s… true. Makes sense.’’ He made a face at that. That was stupid. He shouldn’t have opened his mouth without thinking. ‘’Sorry. I really didn’t know what to say to that and I felt like I should…say something, but now I see that I should just shut up…So I’m shutting up.’’ Hazel ignored him. She wasn’t even looking his direction anymore. Dallon saw her eyes get watery. He put his hand on her knee to give her some comfort.

‘’It’s hard to admit to a mistake for me, especially a big one. And I’ve made a lot of the big ones.’’

‘’I know, Haze.’’ He tried to make his voice sound as softly as possible. He knew it was hard for her. She had a lot of pride, but she was also afraid to make herself vulnerable.

‘’And it’s even harder for me to apologise. I always keep this unapologetic sharp pose, but… I don’t like the person I’ve became.’’ He would be lying if he’d say it didn’t hurt him. He felt bad for her. She was still important for him, but he really didn’t know what to say to make her feel better. He felt like this was something she herself had to deal with. ‘’I forgot who I am, who I wanted to be, who I should be. I’ll do all I can to fix that.’’ She took a deep breath and a few tears went down her face. ‘’When I look at them I see what I could have had instead. And I love them, I really do, but I hate the way my life turned out.’’ It took a few minutes before she calmed down. Dallon haven’t seen her like this in years. She rarely cried the way she did now. He didn’t say anything, just waited.

‘’How are we going to do it?’’ He asked after a few minutes. He figured she would know better than him. She was the one who planned everything. Hazel finally looked at him. Her face was red and her eyes were puffy. She sniffed a few times and wiped her tears with the sleeve of her sweater.

‘’I’m going to move to Portland, and if the kids will have me, I’d like to visit them on the weekends. I think that’s for the best. I also think we should restart our lives, I’m going to focus on my work, you’re going to ask him on a date and we’ll deal with consequences following like adults.’’

‘’Sounds like a plan. A really good plan. Scary, but good.’’ She smiled a little.

‘’I’m terrified.’’ Dallon would be lying if he’d say he wasn’t terrified as well.

‘’I’m happy we finally talked.’’

‘’Me too. Do you have any questions? I feel like it’s only fair since I asked so many.’’ He did have one question. Well, he had a lot of them, but was really curious about this one. He could be asking all sorts of questions about this whole Mark Lambert, but he didn’t really care. Damien was his. Dallon’s. Not this man’s. Fatherhood doesn’t mean he can put it in, that’s not so hard. Raising a child is a hard work, but also the best Dallon had ever had. The most rewarding one. 

‘’Have you been with someone else besides that guy?’’ He asked and Hazel shook her head.

‘’No. It was a onetime thing. Never happened after.’’

It got quiet after that. Dallon quite wasn’t sure what to do or what to say. He felt like he had nothing else left to talk about. Amilie and Damien suddenly appeared in his mind. They still had a lot of time before Frank drove them home. Amilie won’t be surprised. She probably knew from the beginning that this was the reason Dallon wanted them out of the house. He only hoped Damien would understand. He was scared of that. Damian was always so happy when he was spending time with Hazel. And he still was very young.

‘’You’re ready to tell the kids we’re getting divorced?’’ He asked jokingly. Hazel gave him a tiny smile. A real one this time. He forgot how it looked like. It broke his heart a little bit. To think he was so obvious about how unhappy she was. How he himself was unhappy. How their children were unhappy. How could he be so stupid?

He felt awful about that, but he couldn’t really do anything about the past. The only thing he could fix was the future. He tried not to dwell too much on the past. It never did him any good.

‘’You’re ready to tell Amilie you’re going to ask her favourite teacher on a date?’’ He snorted.

‘’Fuck no. I have no idea how to ask him. I have no idea how to tell her.’’ He didn’t even thought about this before.

‘’I’m not ready either, but I do feel relieved like never before. We might have worked together, but it was in high school. We grew up with different plans and dreams. I’m sorry I never tried to talk with you about it. I think I was scared of being alone. That people will turn up on me. I’m not what people expect from a typical mother.’’ He nodded.

‘’I understand. We fucked big times. We’re fixing it now. Deal?’’

‘’Deal.’’

‘’I almost feel like an adult.’’ She started laughing at that. Dallon did, too. It was a bit hysterical, but they had every right for that.

 

~~.~~

 

It took three weeks for everything to quiet down. Damian wasn’t happy for the first week, it took a lot of explaining from both Dallon and Hazel, also some help from Amilie, but he finally understood. Amilie had a massive influence on her younger brother and Dallon couldn’t help but to be proud of her. Hazel moved out after two weeks, they filled the papers and that was it. The apartment felt a bit empty without her things and in all honesty Dallon was scared, but above that all, he had much more positive thoughts about the future. He felt excited for the first time in a long time.

It felt weird thinking about himself as a divorced man. Single, divorced man with children. Single, divorced man with children and unknown sexuality over thirty.

He was thinking about that a lot. About what sexuality was he supposed to be. For most of his life he considered himself straight. But then the Case of Brendon Urie happened and he wasn’t so sure anymore. Was he bisexual? Was he pansexual? In the end he figured he didn’t really cared. It wasn’t important. Some people felt the need to have a word to describe them, but he wasn’t one of them. Who cared? He decided on whateversexual and went on with his life. 

The second person to know about the divorce was Gerard, Frank found out after him. The only reason to that was because he was at work when Dallon went to their place. Gerard didn’t seem to be surprised, but then again, he was the one who was suggesting it for a few years now. He was, however, shocked, when Dallon mentioned Brendon Urie. Or what he liked to call it – The Case of Brendon Urie, a beautiful awakening, by Dallon Weekes. Who knows, he might write a book about that someday. It was also the first time he left the house without his wedding ring.

‘’Are you on drugs?’’ Gerard asked with a sceptical look. ‘’Or is this some midlife crisis joke? Because you’re not funny.’’ Dallon gave him a dirty look. He wasn’t in a mood for joking. And he was honestly tired of people taking it as a joke. Hazel was asking him a lot of questions about that, too. She believed him, but thought he was hiding he actually liked men from the beginning. She was asking all those questions he didn’t have answers for yet and it was frustrating. Dallon was sure of just one thing. He wanted Brendon and everything Brendon had to offer.

‘’I’m interested in a man.’’ He stated confidently. ’’I want to be with him, I want to kiss him, I want to have sex with him and yes, I want to blow him.’’ Gerard looked stunned. He blinked a few times and shook his head.

‘’I feel like I’m in some sort of alterative universe right now. I’m gonna make us some tea.’’ Dallon sat on the couch while his friend was in the kitchen. He took two mugs out of the cabinet and put them on the table.

‘’Green for me, please. No sugar.’’ Said Dallon just to remind Gerard how he likes it.

‘’Sure, man. I’ve been drinking white tea myself for a while now, one of my followers recommended it.’’

Dallon almost forgot Gerard was a semi famous internet celebrity. He first got recognised by his amazing hairstyles. He actually was doing hair in the first season of Dallon’s show. Obviously he was also doing Dallon’s hair, too, on any occasion. Gerard gained a fair share of Instagram followers in a short time. Some of them liked what he did with hair, some of them liked his personal and pretty brave style.

‘’Now please tell me since when you like that man. Girl talk now, tell me all about him. When can I met him? Does he know you like him? Is he hot? Is he tall? Is he really a woman and you gonna scream ‘sike’ in my face like the kids do this days? Is he a dog person? Is he interested in threesomes?’’ Dallon blinked a few times with a blank expression. He saw in Gerard’s eyes that he was joking.

‘’You’re done?’’                                                      

‘’No. How big is his dick?’’ Dallon laughed. Now he’s gonna think of Brendon’s dick thanks to Gerard.

‘’I don’t know, dude. His name is Brendon Urie and he’s a music teacher in Amilie’s school. He’s the most beautiful man I have ever seen in my life. I’m planning on asking him on a date soon, and I think he’ll say yes.’’ It felt weird to say that for the first time. To admit that out loud. It made it somewhat more real. In the beginning he wasn’t even sure he’d want to have sex with Brendon, but it all changed after a while. The better he knew him, the more he wanted to spend a night with him. Not just the night. The day before, the day after and more. He wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

‘’I’m proud.’’ Said Gerard handing him the warm mug with a pug on it. ‘’My little Dallon having his gay awakening. The gay agenda is real, man. We need to tell Helen you like dick now.’’ Dallon snorted. He knew it would be interesting to say at least. A father of her grandchildren liking other men. And he thought before there was no way for her to hate him more.

‘’Oh, man. I don’t think she would survive it. How are you, anyway? I feel like I haven’t been here in a while. How’s Lulu?’’ He couldn’t really remember the last time he spent time just with Gerard. Usually when they saw each other children were around or they had not more than an hour. Dallon missed spending time with his best friend.

‘’You’re right.’’ Nodded Gerard sipping his tea. ’’It’s been a while since we just sat down and talked. Just the two of us. I missed bitching to you about Frank’s smelly feet. He doesn’t use this stupid foot deodorant I bought, he says it’s his manly smell. I hate him. And Lulu’s sleeping now, finally. We have about half an hour for gossip.’’ Gerard gave him a big smile and Dallon took a sip of his tea.

‘’I’m actually seeing Brendon later tonight. He invited me to his place to show me his records collection.’’ He couldn’t help smiling while saying this. It would be the first time he was seeing Brendon as a single man. It felt like the beginning of a new era for him.

‘’Sounds good.’’ Gerard said and eyed Dallon. He frowned a bit. ‘’Dress nicely and I’ll take care of your hair.’’

‘’What do you mean? Is there something wrong with what I’m wearing?’’

‘’Dallon, this shirt has a stain.’’

‘’What, where?’’ Now Dallon was getting nervous. He was planning to go to Brendon’s right after leaving Gerard. He left the kids with Hazel, because she was visiting this weekend. He was quite stressed about this, since he couldn’t remember the last time she was alone with them.

‘’Right here you big idiot.’’ Gerard shook his head and pointed on Dallon’s chest. ’’We’re going shopping.’’ Trust Gerard Way with fashion.

They took Lulu and left to the shopping centre near Gerard’s house. They had to take umbrellas, since it was raining pretty badly. The weather was bad in general, there was storm on the way. Dallon left the mall with a new black shirt and skinny jeans Gerard made him buy. He did look good in them. He hoped he would look good for Brendon, too. They were supposed to meet at the café Brendon took him before and so Dallon was again, too early. He left his car at Gerard’s and took a cab. Ashley was at the register. She smiled at him.

‘’Hi, black coffee, or would you like to try something else?’’ He smiled too. She remember his order. Maybe because it was a basic order, or maybe because he was with Brendon and they seemed to be friends. She seemed nice, too. Her hair were pink this time. Dallon wondered if she changed her hair colour a lot.

‘’You know what, I’ll have creamy caramel latte with whipped cream.’’ She gave him a bigger smile like she knew. This was Brendon’s order after all.  Dallon would be lying if he said he didn’t like it. It was a bit too sweet for him, but he liked it anyway.

‘’Sure.’’ She nodded. ’’Go sit somewhere, I’ll bring it in a moment. Bren should be here any minute, too.’’

‘’Bren?’’ He asked and she grinned. He was happy she mentioned Brendon. He hoped that someday he could talk about him with some of his friends.

‘’He hates it when I call him that.’’

‘’I feel like there’s an interesting story behind this nickname.’’

‘’I’ve known him since I was a little kid and in the beginning I couldn’t say his name. It was either Bren or Beeb.’’ Dallon laughed.

‘’It fits.’’ He said after a while. He imagined Ashley as a small kid trying to say Brendon’s name correctly. He wondered how they met. Maybe Brendon was babysitting her? Or maybe they’ve met because their parents knew each other? He made a mental note to ask Brendon about this later. He was honestly interested.

‘’Hi.’’ Suddenly Brendon appeared behind Dallon and his heart started to beat faster. He looked at Brendon and their eyes meet. Brendon gave him a soft smile. He was dressed all in black except for a red button up shirt. His hair were wet and a bit messy, but still looked good. He smelled good, too. Dallon had missed him. ‘’You guys are gossiping about me? Bonding over my dirt?’’

‘’Hi, Beeb.’’ Said Dallon and Brendon narrowed his eyes. He looked adorable. Dallon heard Ashley’s melodic laugh in the distance. She said something, but he was too focused on Brendon’s sudden change of expression. He had this cheeky smile and his eyes sparkled. 

‘’You’re lucky you’re pretty.’’ He stated like it was something he was saying all the time and Dallon was left speechless. Brendon looked behind him, like this just didn’t happen. ‘’Hi, Ash. Can you give me a donut? I didn’t eat much today. The kids were more energetic than ever before. I think it’s because of the art project with noodles they started.’’

‘’Of course. You guys are staying?’’

‘’Not for long. We’ll finish drinking and we’re on our way’’ Dallon liked the sound of ‘we’. He liked the idea of him and Brendon as ‘we’.

‘’Okay. I’ll be right back’’ They sat near the entry. Dallon tried not to smile too much, but he really couldn’t help it. He barely stopped himself from telling Brendon he missed him. He looked out the window, partly because he didn’t wanted Brendon to see him smiling like a fool. It was still raining, but the wind was stronger than before.

‘’So, divorced, huh? That was fast.’’ Well, that was straight to the point. Dallon only nodded. He told him the short story over the phone a few days before, but they didn’t get to talk too long. Brendon was on a lunch break and Dallon was meeting with a lawyer not to long after.

‘’I guess.’’ He shrugged. ‘’It wasn’t working, so we finally sat down and talked. We’re friends now. It’s a bit weird, but feels right, you know? It was difficult with Damien for a while, but he’s a smart kid. He’s not angry, he understands that sometimes things don’t go the way people expect them to.’’ Brendon hummed. All this time he kept his eyes on Dallon. It was quite intimidating.

‘’This would be a great time to think about yourself, too. Just saying.’’ Dallon smiled at that. He felt warm thinking Brendon cared about him, even if just a little. He made sure to look into Brendon’s eyes before saying what he had in mind.

‘’I’m doing it now, actually.’’ Brendon looked surprised for a moment, then he gave Dallon a shy smile, as if he was unsure how to react. It felt a bit risky for Dallon, but he wanted to make sure Brendon knew. He didn’t wanted to come off to strong, he hoped the subtle way would work.

‘’Yeah?’’

‘’Yup.’’ He wanted to say something more. Maybe ask him out in the heat of the moment, but Ashley brought their orders and put them on the table, he’d feel a bit awkward doing so in front of her.

‘’Here. Two coffees and one donut.’’ She said and Brendon grinned at her.  

‘’I don’t even have to tell you anymore. I honestly forgot to ask for coffee.’’

‘’I remember because you’re addicted to sugar and caffeine.’’ Brendon eyed Dallon’s order and smirked. Dallon was weak in his knees. This one-sided mischievous smirk meant trouble for Dallon. It looked too hot. He forced himself to keep a straight face.

‘’I see you like my desert, huh, Dallon?’’

‘’I figured it’s good to try something else from time to time. How are you, anyway? How’s your weekend?’’ He changed the topic, before Brendon could tease him with this illegal smile. Brendon’s expression changed to gloomy in a matter of seconds.

‘’Actually my sister contacted me.’’ He said. For a while he avoided Dallon’s eyes. Dallon remembered from before that family was a sensitive topic for him. ‘’I… I haven’t talked with her in over three years. You remember when I mentioned my family isn’t really happy with my life choices?’’ Brendon looked… faint and shameful. Dallon frowned and stopped himself from grabbing his hand on the table. He looked so small and vulnerable Dallon wanted to put his arms around him and never let him go.

‘’I do.’’ He said softly. Brendon looked at him with those sad eyes.

‘’She’s getting married, she wants me there, but I’m not sure. I’m… I’m scared to face my parents. When I left home I didn’t tell them anything. I just took my stuff and didn’t say goodbye, they didn’t seem to care, anyway. They didn’t look for me or anything. They never tried to contact me either.’’ Dallon didn’t like seeing Brendon like this. He preferred a happy, confident and cocky Brendon. He wanted to hug him so much, but he wasn’t sure if that was what Brendon needed at the moment. 

‘’I’m really sorry, Brendon.’’

‘’The wedding is in ten months, so I still have some time to consider it.’’ He shrugged and smiled again, though it looked a bit forced. ‘’Anyway, let’s go. I can’t wait to show off with my collection.’’

They walked under Dallon’s umbrella talking about music. Dallon had trouble with focusing on the topic, because Brendon’s arm was pretty much glued to his the whole way, since the umbrella was for one person, not two. The rain was still heavy. Dallon wanted Brendon to talk with him about his family, but he needed to remind himself that they weren’t as close as he’d want. He only hoped Brendon had friends he could speak to. He couldn’t stop himself from throwing concerned glances at him.

‘’I hope you don’t have any allergies, because I have two cats.’’ Brendon said when they were in front of his building. The rain had lessen.

‘’I don’t. Don’t worry. Amilie mentioned about them before.’’

‘’They’re really friendly, so you don’t have to worry.’’

The moment Brendon closed the door to his flat, he was being pushed hard on them. Dallon didn’t even realised he was doing anything. One of his hands was _finally_ in Brendon’s soft hair, the other one was firmly on his hip. He looked into the younger man’s eyes. Brendon looked terrified for a moment, his lips open in a silent scream. Dallon couldn’t even feel guilty for scaring the living shit out of him. What was he even thinking? Dallon wasn’t going to kill him, he wasn’t taking his ideas for his show from murdering people on his own.

He was finally so close to Brendon’s face. He took his time looking at him. Brendon didn’t said a word, he looked confused, but at least not scared. Dallon was just eating him out with his eyes. Brendon was beautiful and amazing and Dallon couldn’t really find words to describe him, which was ridiculous, since he was a writer.

He, again, looked at the small scar on his eyebrow. He was going to ask about it someday. Right now he wanted just to kiss him. He closed his fist around Brendon’s hair and pulled his head back a little. He heard Brendon making this soft little noise and breath shakily.  

_Fuck._

_Wow._

Kissing him felt like a paradise. Brendon’s lips were as soft as Dallon though, he could taste mint lipstick.

‘’I knew you wear lipstick.’’  He mumbled against them. It was just then when Brendon started kissing him back and it felt even better. The younger man put his hands on Dallon’s chest. Brendon pushed his tongue between Dallon’s lips and Dallon pulled him even closer. The kiss was getting heated in a matter of seconds, when suddenly Dallon felt something sharp in his leg. He squalled surprised and broke the kiss.

There was a giant, fat, furry black cat biting his leg.

Brendon breathed heavily. His head hit the wall, he was out of breath and a bit red on the face. Dallon tried to push the cat away from him, but it just held on tightly.

‘’Asshole is hungry.’’ Breathed Brendon. He hid his face in his hands for a moment. ‘’Shit, I forgot to feed them when I left to see you.’’ Dallon frowned.  

‘’Do you just call it an asshole, or did you named it like that?’’

 ‘’That’s his name. The other one is Princess Buttcrack.’’ Brendon was quiet for a while, as if he was waiting for Dallon to say something. He sighed and stepped away from the door, and from Dallon, too. ‘’I’m gonna... I’m gonna feed them now.’’ Suddenly what he did hit Dallon hard. _Oh, no._ He started to panic. Why did he do that? He shouldn’t have kissed him. That was so, so stupid of him. He feared he ruined everything he could have with Brendon.

‘’I’m… sorry. I’m really sorry.’’ He said and Brendon stopped in the middle of opening a can of cat food. ‘’I didn’t think and… I really didn’t think. I’m gonna let myself out.’’

‘’No wait, Dallon, wait.’’ Brendon grabbed his arm. He looked anxious, as if he wasn’t sure what he wanted to say. Dallon was angry at himself for putting him in such situation. ‘’You caught me off guard. Look, I really don’t want to rush anything. I like you, I really like you. You’re smart, funny, a little awkward and I find it completely adorable and sexy, but I barely know you. And you still had a wife a few days ago. I want to trust you, Dal. I really do.’’

‘’Okay. I’m still sorry. I really like you, too.’’ Brendon smiled and winked.

‘’I’ll forgive you this one, since the art of romance is not something you practise often.’’

‘’Should I be offended, or..?’’ Dallon forgot about the cats till he heard a loud meow.

‘’Sit somewhere, I’ll give them food, it’s either this or they eat us.’’ He sat on the sofa and observed Brendon. He was quality mumbling something to his cats in baby talk. Dallon tried not to laugh, but failed and Brendon turned his head in his direction.

‘’Cute.’’ He commented. He was a little bit braver since Brendon admitted to liking him, too. Brendon winked again and Dallon was weak in his knees. After feeding his cats Brendon took a big bongo out of the closed. He put the music on and grinned. Dallon was left dumbstruck. He laughed a minute later. 

‘’Are you serious? You’re a teacher and you smoke weed?’’ At least he finally recognised that sweet smoky smell off of Brendon. It was weed. Freaking weed. Brendon sat next to him with that mischievous smile. 

‘’And you’re an artist and you don’t?’’

‘’I haven’t smoked since high school.’’

‘’Wanna get baked?’’ 

‘’Fucking hell, I feel like a teenager again.’’


End file.
